IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Leaders of all kinds are often younger now than in the past. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays, the young generations
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become increasingly vital in society. Many people assume that the leaders of several fields
are
Verb problem
apply
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tend to
younger
Verb problem
be younger
show examples
 than
previous
Change preposition
in previous
show examples
 times.
This
Linking Words
 essay will give explaination for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon and discuss why
this
Linking Words
 development will bring
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
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certain
valuables
Correct your spelling
values
. There are a range of reasons why younger generations take
essential
Correct article usage
an essential
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 position in workplaces. The first rationale for
this
Linking Words
 is
the
Correct word choice
that the
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 youth typically have strong
ambitious
Replace the word
ambition
 and passion. Because they currently suffer from peer pressure and high expectations, leading to enormous effort
of
Change preposition
in
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 discipline and
hard-working
Replace the word
hard work
.
In addition
Linking Words
, with the rise of technology,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers and young adults
force
Wrong verb form
are forced
show examples
 to adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 massive
information
Check wording
amounts of information
show examples
 in order not to be left out. These help them to gradually enrich their knowledge in specific majors and engage
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 social activities to earn
pratical
Correct your spelling
practical
 skills.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
strengthen
Wrong verb form
strengthening
show examples
 the quality workforce is the main benefit
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
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 statement. A
varierty
Correct your spelling
variety
 of young teenagers prefer
become
Verb problem
to become
show examples
an expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
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 in their fields and gain numerous skills. Because it not only helps them to
promotion
Replace the word
promote
 in their jobs, but
also
Linking Words
 provides a huge chance for their livelihood. To illustrate, the empire of Unilever perfer choose GenZ because of their
enthusiastical
Correct your spelling
enthusiasm
 and creativity, leading to strong commitment and
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 workplace environment. Young generations
eventually
Verb problem
find it
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 easy to express their
feeling
Check wording
feelings
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 and focus on their duty
instead
Linking Words
 of blind devotion like
almost old
Correct word choice
the older
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 generation. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the young adults often take up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high
position
Check wording
positions
show examples
 in the workplace because of their abilities and efforts.
This
Linking Words
attribute
Wrong verb form
is attributed
show examples
 to the positive results, which the young people has the strong sense of
reponsibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and commitment. I believe that with the strong young workforce, the future economy will end up in
substanable
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 and
maintanace
Correct your spelling
maintenance
.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Say why young leaders are more common, and then give a clear view: positive or negative.
task response
Add one more clear reason in body 1 and explain it step by step.
task response
Use examples that are easy to trust and explain how they support your idea.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words like first, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Check that each sentence connects well to the one before it.
task response
You answered both questions in the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You gave a real company example, which helps your point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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