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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

One of your neighbor’s children has accidentally broken the front window of your car. You should write a letter to his/her parents and in your letter you should • introduce yourself • explain how it happened • and what they should do.

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Dear Mr X, I am your neighbour residing
in the
Change preposition
at
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 house number 8 , behind the
play ground
Correct your spelling
playground
. I had to write
this
Linking Words
 letter to convey
about
Change preposition
apply
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the incident involving my parked vehicle and your kids. Yesterday
your
Punctuation problem
, your
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 children were playing close to the boundary of
park
Correct article usage
the park
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, and
then
Linking Words
 suddenly one of your kids
had
Wrong verb form
apply
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pelted a stone towards my car. The stone went directly
to
Change preposition
through
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 the front glass of my car,
shattered
Wrong verb form
shattering
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 the glass. When I came out of my house after listening
a
Change preposition
to a
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loud noise, I saw your children running away. The damage is already done, and it would cost me around 500Cad to fix that glass, as my car is from the limited edition, and it is very difficult to source the parts for
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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 type of
vehicles
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicle
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. I will suggest
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 that you should ask your kids how it
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
, and please next time make sure that there is an adult with them when they are playing outdoors. Yours truly, s

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task response
Task response: You answer all parts, but say more clearly what the parents should do now, such as pay for the damage or talk to you soon.
task response
Task response: The tone is mostly fine, but some lines sound a bit hard. Use calm and polite words.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your ideas are in a good order, but some sentences are long and not clear. Split them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple link words like then, so, because, and also to connect ideas better.
task response
Task response: You cover the main points of the task.
task response
Task response: You explain the event and the cost clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The letter has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The greeting and closing are suitable for a formal letter.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • neighbor, accident, broken window, front window, car repair, take responsibility, pay for the damage, speak to you, be careful, not on purpose, cause trouble, fix the window, polite, understand, as soon as possible
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