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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people feel that the government should regulate the level of violent influence on TV and at the cinema. Others feel that violent films should not be regulated. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The inclusion of
violence
Use synonyms
 in
medias
Check wording
media
show examples
 has sparked
dabate
Correct your spelling
debate
 on whether the government should enforce
more strict
Replace the word
stricter
 regulation,
whereas
Linking Words
 others support artistic freedom
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
such
Linking Words
entertainments
Check wording
entertainment
show examples
. In my opinion,
violence
Use synonyms
 should only be regulated at
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 explicit and accessible level. One reason people might
argues
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 against
violence
Use synonyms
 regulation is freedom of expression. Creative minds should be able to present their work to
audience
Correct article usage
the audience
show examples
 at their will.
This
Linking Words
 means complete control over how their stories are portrayed,
More
Fix capitalization
more
show examples
 often than not conveying some kind of
violence
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 these violent actions are generally not the main message of films and series,
They
Fix capitalization
they
show examples
 are still ultimately
percieved
Correct your spelling
perceived
 and
interpretted
Correct your spelling
interpreted
 by viewers as part of the artist's work.
Consequently
Linking Words
, repeated exposure to
violence
Use synonyms
 in
medias
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media
show examples
, especially on younger audiences, can negatively
influences
Wrong verb form
influence
show examples
 them.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 entertainments are glorifying
violence
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 and
destructions
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destruction
show examples
 even at the
hand
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hands
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 of the protagonist, the one we are supposed to root for and follow along on their journey. Not only can the viewers
idolize
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idolise
show examples
 these characters
but
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, but
show examples
 some might be so compelled as to imitate them.
For instance
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, the popular
british
Capitalize the proper name
British
show examples
 TV series, Peaky
Blinders
Punctuation problem
Blinders,
show examples
 is a very good example of presenting
violence
Use synonyms
 with a twisted narrative, as it portrays the story of
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
show examples
 gang
utilizing blackmailing
Replace the word
utilising blackmail
, murder, kidnapping,
bribery
Correct word choice
and bribery
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 as a
mean
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means
show examples
 to gain
influences
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influence
show examples
 and better their lives. From my perspective, the best solution is to limit exposure in younger and
sensitive
Rephrase
more sensitive
show examples
audience
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audiences
show examples
. Despite the
indeniable
Correct your spelling
undeniable
 fact that they can act as a bad influence, they are
first
Punctuation problem
, first
show examples
 and foremost, a creative expression meant to be part of a larger narrative. Censorship and age restriction are prime examples of preventive measures that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 already been implemented
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 These solutions allow writers and directors to release their works knowing that they will reach the intended audiences.
To conclude
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,
violence
Use synonyms
 in TV and cinemas
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 most commonly opposed because of
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 potential influence and danger on
audience
Correct article usage
the audience
show examples
, so regulations need to be in place to prevent these effects.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, I believe that with proper control and limitations, creative freedom can be retained and there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no need for absolute and complete elimination of all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of
violence
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides more evenly. You explain both views, but the side for no control is a bit short.
task response
Make your opinion very clear in every body part, not only in the intro and end.
task response
Add one more clear idea about why some people want government control, for example harm to children or copy of crime.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler linking words and make each paragraph follow one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or joined in a weak way. Break them into shorter parts.
coherence and cohesion
Check word form and small grammar points because they sometimes make the line of thought hard to follow.
task response
You answer both views and also give your opinion.
task response
Your example about Peaky Blinders is clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas usually move in a logical order from one paragraph to the next.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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