IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many workplaces, online communication is getting more common than meeting face to face. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Online working has become increasingly popular in
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 society.
Therefore
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, many workplaces apply
this
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 method for interactions
instead
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 of meeting directly.
This
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 essay will provide explaination for
this
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 statement and explain why
this
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 development will bring numerous drawbacks. The main demerit of online working is the decline of individual connection. To illustrate, some recent studies have
indicate
Wrong verb form
indicated
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 currently live in
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 era
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 where
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology has developed significantly. It eventually
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
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 individuals in
dangers
Check wording
danger
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,
such
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 as the rise of loneliness.
People
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 tend to connect
each
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with each
show examples
 other through
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online
platform
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platforms
show examples
, leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
depression, anxiety and
anti-social behavior
Correct your spelling
antisocial behaviour
, especially
in
Change preposition
among
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 young generations. It can be seen that
people
Use synonyms
 using
this
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 measure for working is difficult to
adaption
Correct your spelling
adapt
due to
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back
Check wording
the lack
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 of reality communication. Despite
this
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 method
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
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 some benefits, it
consequently
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 the workers become
disconnect
Replace the word
disconnected
 with peers and easily isolation with outside world.
In addition
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,
people
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usually
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are usually
show examples
distract
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distracted
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 by other factors
during
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while
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 working.
This
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 is because they can be affected by notification pings or deal with personal interests, which means that they
forced
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are forced
show examples
 to do multitasking during
works
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work
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. These eventually
attribute
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contribute
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 to the poor performance and lack of productivity.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 method
go
Correct subject-verb agreement
goes
show examples
 against the working culture, where
people
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 can dress formally and have a range of professional attitudes,
whereas
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 online communication cannot ensure the traditional environment
workplaces
Change preposition
of workplaces
show examples
, and many
people
Use synonyms
 working
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online platform when
turn
Correct pronoun usage
they turn
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 back into traditional workplace are hardly to cope with the formal places, which can cause frustrate other
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
people
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 should
mantain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 the offline communication because it not only
strengthen
Correct subject-verb agreement
strengthens
show examples
 the social bond but
also
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 keep worker away from
distract
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distracting
show examples
 sources. With all these disadvantages of remote working, I believe the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. You say the bad side is stronger, but you should also show the good side in a short but clear way.
task response
Give more direct support for each main idea. Add one simple real work example in each body part.
coherence cohesion
Make your ideas easier to follow. Start each body part with one clear main point, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words in a careful way. Words like first, also, for example, however, and as a result can help your flow.
coherence cohesion
Keep one idea in one sentence when possible. Some sentences are too long and hard to follow.
task response
You give a clear opinion that the bad side is stronger.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
task response
Your main ideas stay on the topic of online communication at work.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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