In some countires, many young people choose to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting universitiy studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages

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After graduating from their basic educational establishment, some of the grads take a break before commencing their education at university. They spend
this
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part of their life
while
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travelling and seeing the world around them.
This
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culture has both pros and cons. In
this
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essay, I will be discussing both. The phenomenon we are discussing
,
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apply
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was first seen in the 1960s. After finishing their basic studies, some of them leave for tours
,
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and visit places far away from their homes.
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, some of the youth travelled to remote places,
such
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as the Amazon rainforest, in search of uncontacted tribes.
This
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was sometimes for fun or to see what they had studied in their classroom. It is advantageous, as they witness
initially
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what they have been taught
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and how they can implement their knowledge for the betterment of society. Sometimes it can help them to identify their interest and choose the field of education
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they want to pursue at university. On the possible drawback, a section of society believes that pupils are wasting their precious
moment
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time
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. To support
this
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argument, it is said that
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the
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sooner a university is finished faster they can contribute to
civilization
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civilisation
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.
For instance
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, Hippie culture is presented as a reference to why
this
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should not be done. Some of the youth develop the feeling of self-isolation. The longer the break from studies,
takes
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the
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more effort from them to settle into the discipline of the educational institution. In conclusion, the halt induction takes between an academy and starting college should be planned by them cautiously, as it can either help them in future or not.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more equal way. Write one clear good point and one clear bad point.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some ideas are too general and not fully clear.
task response
Use examples that are simple and fit the topic well. The example about tribes feels too far from most students.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph follow one clear plan: main idea, explanation, example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, also, however, because, so, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid sentences that are hard to follow. Keep sentences short and direct.
task response
You answered both advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You tried to use examples to support your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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