IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People who were born in rural areas often move to big cities when they become adults. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative trend?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Nowadays, many
people
Use synonyms
 from rural areas prefer to move to
cities
Use synonyms
 after finishing high school to continue their university education or to find better job
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 trend has both advantages and disadvantages. One of the main advantages is that
cities
Use synonyms
 offer better educational
opportunities
Use synonyms
. Students can study at well-known universities and gain the qualifications they need for successful careers.
In addition
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 provide a wider range of job
opportunities
Use synonyms
 with higher salaries.
People
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 improve their skills, use modern technology, and learn from different cultures by meeting
people
Use synonyms
 from various backgrounds.
However
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 some disadvantages. Moving to a city often means being far away from family and friends, which can cause stress and loneliness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, life in
cities
Use synonyms
 is usually more expensive and busier than in rural areas. Many
people
Use synonyms
 have long working hours and rely on fast food, which may lead to unhealthy lifestyles. It can
also
Linking Words
 take time to adapt to the different environment and pace of life. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 moving from rural areas to
cities
Use synonyms
 has some disadvantages, I believe the benefits are greater because it provides better education, career
opportunities
Use synonyms
, and personal development

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both questions more directly. You gave reasons and your view, but your view can be stronger in the body too.
task response
Add one or two clear examples to support your main ideas. This will make your points stronger.
task response
Develop each main point a little more. Some ideas are clear, but they are still quite general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. You already use 'in addition', 'however', and 'furthermore' well.
coherence and cohesion
Try to make each paragraph focus on one main idea with fuller support.
task response
You answered the topic and gave reasons for moving to cities.
task response
You gave a clear opinion in the conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is easy to follow and ideas are in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
You used paragraphs well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: