IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You are looking for a part-time job. Write a letter to an employment agency. In your letter: ● introduce yourself ● explain what sort of job you would like ●say what experience and skills you have.

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inform you that I need a part time job, because I have free time for two month day off from my university. My name is Ajik, I am 25 years old
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I am from Mataram city. I have been here
arround
Correct your spelling
around
 two years
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I
was join at
Wrong verb form
joined
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 the Udayana university and my major is Room Division. I
frepare
Correct your spelling
prepare
 the job like being the housekeeping for the hospitality, I really love
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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this
Linking Words
 job because I have experience before
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 the room division at the villa
in
Change preposition
on
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 my island. I have a
greet
Use the right word
great
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 experience being the housekeeping it arround three years at the five start Hotel in Lombok Island.
Besides
Linking Words
, I have
skill
Correct article usage
the skill
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for made the
Wrong verb form
to make
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 art like love
mix
Wrong verb form
mixed
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 with
beautiful
Correct article usage
a beautiful
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 duck on the bed when the guest request for honeymoon.
That is
Linking Words
 why
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 I can do it well for my company and give
good
Correct article usage
a good
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 rate for the Hotel. I really appreciate
if
Correct pronoun usage
it if
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 the company
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 give me
opportunity
Correct article usage
the opportunity
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for
Change preposition
to
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 join
with
Change preposition
apply
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your team. I just wanna say thank you very much for
give
Wrong verb form
giving
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 me
chance
Correct article usage
the chance
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 to show my
skill
Check wording
skills
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 to a large number of
team
Fix the agreement mistake
teams
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 at the Hotel. Best regards, Ajik

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task response
For task response: You answer all parts, but add a bit more about work time and place.
task response
For task response: Use a more polite tone, like 'I would like to apply' and 'I would be grateful'.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Put one main idea in one part: you, the job, then your skills.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: Use easy link words like 'also', 'because', and 'so' to join ideas.
task response
For task response: You say who you are, what job you want, and what skills you have.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion: The letter has a clear start and end.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • part-time job
  • employment agency
  • apply for
  • available
  • work experience
  • customer service
  • computer skills
  • team work
  • hard-working
  • friendly
  • reliable
  • on time
  • good communication
  • weekends
  • evenings
  • suitable job
  • sales assistant
  • office assistant
  • cashier
  • volunteer work
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