Many people think that subjects like Art and Music should be removed from the school. They see these subjects as not important today. The belief is that they should make more I.T. classes and buy more computers. To what extent do you agree.

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The importance of IT
classes
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has changed. Many people think
schools
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should focus more on computer
classes
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than
art
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and
music
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classes
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, and both of them should be removed. I partially agree with
this
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statement.
This
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essay will provide evidence to support my opinion. I completely disagree that
Art
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and
music
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classes
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should be removed.
First,
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Art
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is beautiful, and
also
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some drawings can have a meaning for it ,and I believe that
schools
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should take it more seriously.
Art
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classes
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can be important for many reasons, one of them is expressing the feeling inside the
student
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and turning it to Beautiful masterpiece.
Second,
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music
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is beautiful , and I believe that every
student
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should learn it.
Also
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,
music
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can bring happiness or sadness, depending on what
music
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is heard.
Schools
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should take good care of
music
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classes
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and
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,
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bring new tools every two or three years
and
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, and
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make sure all
students
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know how to use them.
However
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, I do agree that Computer
classes
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are important and
schools
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should buy more
computers
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.
First,
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they are important because they are the future , and every
student
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should know how them.
Students
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should be able to use technology as it could help them in future employment.
For example
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, most professions now use
computers
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.
Students
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should learn basic skills
such
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as editing. and programs like Windows and Microsoft. Second,
computers
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are important these days because everything is done by them. People can learn or teach anything they want. People can even pay their bills and more.
Computers
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should be replaced every three or four years with new ones. I believe
schools
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should give the
students
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a
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apply
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laptops. In conclusion, I believe all three
classes
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are important , and every
student
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should learn them, and
schools
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should focus on them and not remove any of them.

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task response
Answer the main question more directly in each body part.
task response
Explain your ideas more fully with clearer reasons.
task response
Add one real and clear example in each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully so ideas join better.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph stay on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order so each point grows in a clear way.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, not only one side.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has clear paragraphs with a beginning, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas are easy to follow.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

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  • such as
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