Many people think that subjects like Art and Music should be removed from the school. They see these subjects as not important today. The belief is that they should make more I.T. classes and buy more computers. To what extent do you agree.

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The importance of IT

classes

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has changed. Many people think

schools

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should focus more on computer

classes

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than

art

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and

music

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classes

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, and both of them should be removed. I partially agree with

this

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statement.

This

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essay will provide evidence to support my opinion. I completely disagree that

Art

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and

music

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classes

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should be removed.

First,

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Art

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is beautiful, and

also

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some drawings can have a meaning for it ,and I believe that

schools

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should take it more seriously.

Art

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classes

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can be important for many reasons, one of them is expressing the feeling inside the

student

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and turning it to Beautiful masterpiece.

Second,

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music

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is beautiful , and I believe that every

student

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should learn it.

Also

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music

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can bring happiness or sadness, depending on what

music

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is heard.

Schools

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should take good care of

music

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classes

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and

Punctuation problem

show examples

bring new tools every two or three years

and

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, and

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make sure all

students

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know how to use them.

However

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, I do agree that Computer

classes

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are important and

schools

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should buy more

computers

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First,

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they are important because they are the future , and every

student

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should know how them.

Students

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should be able to use technology as it could help them in future employment.

For example

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, most professions now use

computers

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Students

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should learn basic skills

such

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as editing. and programs like Windows and Microsoft. Second,

computers

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are important these days because everything is done by them. People can learn or teach anything they want. People can even pay their bills and more.

Computers

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should be replaced every three or four years with new ones. I believe

schools

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should give the

students

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Correct article usage

apply

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laptops. In conclusion, I believe all three

classes

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are important , and every

student

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should learn them, and

schools

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should focus on them and not remove any of them.

alfred

Jul 13, 2026

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task response

Answer the main question more directly in each body part.

task response

Explain your ideas more fully with clearer reasons.

task response

Add one real and clear example in each body paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words more carefully so ideas join better.

coherence and cohesion

Make each paragraph stay on one main idea only.

coherence and cohesion

Check sentence order so each point grows in a clear way.

task response

You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.

task response

You discuss both sides of the topic, not only one side.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has clear paragraphs with a beginning, middle, and end.

coherence and cohesion

Most ideas are easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
7
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

303 words

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