IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart illustrates the proportion of adult male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Armenia, Egypt, Lebanon, Bangladesh, Cuba, Mexico, Australia
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 average between 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the percentage of male
smokers
Use synonyms
 decreased over the period
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
 in Armenia, Bangladesh, Mexico and Australia .
However
Linking Words
, the proportion had a significant rise in the
arabic
Correct your spelling
Arab
 countries .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in Cuba it
reamined
Verb problem
remained
show examples
 approximately the same. Regarding the downwards trends, the male population of
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Armenia dropped from around 65% in 2000 to just 50% in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
while
Linking Words
Bangladesh
Change preposition
in Bangladesh
show examples
decreased
Check wording
, the percentage decreased
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 dramatically from just over 60% in 2000
reaching
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 49% in 2015 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the proportion of male
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Mexico fell from 35% approximately in 2000 to exactly 20% in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 Australia experienced a
sligh
Correct your spelling
slight
 decrease from around 29% in 2000 to around 18% in 2015. In terms of upwards trends, the percentage of adult
smokers
Use synonyms
 in Egypt rose from around 34% in 2000
reaching
Change preposition
to
show examples
 just under 50% in
2015
Punctuation problem
2015,
show examples
 whilst Lebanon increased from around 33% in 2000 to 43% approximately in 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "furthermore, while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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