IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and trainings are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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Nowadays, advanced technology has changed the way
people
Use synonyms
 connect with each other and how they attend meetings or training.
While
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 it has some downsides, the benefits of holding events online,
such
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 as ensuring considerable
time
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 saving and reducing carbon emissions, can be far greater than the drawbacks.
This
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 essay will elaborate on both advantages and disadvantages. On the one hand, the online has become a fundamental pillar of
people
Use synonyms
's daily lives. Increasingly, they can manage their business, allowing them to
work
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 from home .
This
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 opportunity is beneficial for their lives because they do not have to go to
work
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 place, which takes an excessive amount of
time
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due to
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 traffic congestion.
As a result
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, they can save a lot of
time
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and enjoy their free
time
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instead
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 of commuting to their jobs.
For instance
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, after COVID-19, companies have become more flexible, and they provide options for their employees, allowing them to
work
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 from home or in a hybrid
.
Check wording
environment.
show examples
Moreover
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, a reduction in the number of
people
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 who do not have to go to offices leads to a decrease in the usage of private cars and public transport.
As a result
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, these consequences lead to a decrease in carbon emissions, which are released from these vehicles.
On the other hand
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, one of the drawbacks of attending online events is that it
eradicates
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erases
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 in-person interaction among individuals. As
people
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 prefer chatting with their friends, they lose the ability
of communication
Replace the word
to communicate
, which plays an important role in understanding each other well.
This
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 is because
while
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 they are interacting with each other in person, they can feel true feelings of their friends or colleagues by seeing their mimics, gestures and eyes. They are the indicators of feelings and thoughts behind the words, which can convey more meaning. To illustrate, a couple who spend more
time
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 together can demonstrate a higher understanding of each other from their behaviours than another couple who prefer texting
instead
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 of in-person interactions.
Thus
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, the online has a detrimental effect on
people
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's communication and relationships. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 managing business and attending online events, I firmly maintain that the advantages of online outweigh the downsides because
people
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 can save considerable
time
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, which allows them to
work
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 in many ways.
In addition
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, it leads to a decrease in public transport and private car usage, allowing reducing carbon emissions.

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task response
For task response, you answer the question and give a clear view, but you need to explain more why the good points are stronger than the bad point.
task response
For task response, use more direct ideas about online meetings, discussions, and training. Some parts talk about work from home in general, so the link to the topic is not always strong.
task response
For task response, your examples are helpful, but they can be more specific and real. Add one clear example about online training or online business meetings.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay has a clear 4-part shape: intro, 2 body parts, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your writing.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, some linking is good, like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand', but some ideas inside sentences are hard to follow. Make sentences shorter and cleaner.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, keep the main focus of each paragraph more clear. In body 1, stay on online meetings and training, not only work from home.
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
task response
Your main points are easy to see: time saving, less pollution, and less face-to-face contact.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is well organized into clear paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
You use basic linking words to move from one idea to the next.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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