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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows radio and television audiences throughout the day in 1992. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bold
graph
Use synonyms
 shows the
television
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audiences
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 throughout the day. It shows that the
percentage
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 of
audiences
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 is zero
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
early
Correct article usage
the early
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 morning
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 it gradually rises
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 ten
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 at 8:00 am and maintains the same for the next
two
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 hours. There is a slight fall in
percentage
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 in
next
Correct article usage
the next
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two
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 hours
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; however
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however
Punctuation problem
however,
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 after that it rises sharp upto twenty
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 within the next
two
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 hours.
After
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 the
graph
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 rises very fast and attains
it's
Use the right word
its
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 peak at 10 pm
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is about forty five
percent
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. The
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
graph
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 gradually falls down
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 at 2:00 am it is at five
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. The thinner
graph
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 shows the
percentage
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 of radio
audiences
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. Unlike the
television
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one
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 the peak
percentage
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 of the radio
audiences
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 is at 8:00 am which is about 30
percent
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.
Then
Linking Words
 it gradually falls and it corrosponds with the
television
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 one at
two
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 pm. After that it gradually falls but with a small incrase in
percentage
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 at 4:30 to 6:00 pm. The
percentage
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 of audiance
then
Linking Words
 gradu. goes down and at four Am it is the lowest which is near 2
percentage
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. These graphs proves the progressive propularity of
television
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words graph, television, audiences, percentage, percent, two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rises" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 4 times.
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