IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are many kinds of
work
Use synonyms
people
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interested
Verb problem
are interested
show examples
 in at companies. Young
people
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are
Verb problem
do
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 not
enough
Verb problem
have enough
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work
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experience
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 in their lives
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 they consider
to try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 to
work
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 in a shop. Most
people
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 need to
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work
Verb problem
gain work
show examples
experience
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 in their lives before they apply to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
many kinds of companies. They
interested
Verb problem
are interested
show examples
 in
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work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 in their
live
Replace the word
lives
 and have
experience
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 because they want to know how to
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
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 in a
area
Correct word choice
specific area
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 of
position in
Check wording
apply
show examples
their lives.
People
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 enjoy their
work
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experience
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. When young
people
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are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to
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work
Punctuation problem
work,
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 they have good
experience
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 because they can understand and their parents
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
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 for the stricts.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 if they do not have
work
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
experience
Punctuation problem
experience,
show examples
 they don't understand what
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
they feel
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
; therefore
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 It is important to them. Many
people
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 have
confidence
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 and
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
. When they have
work
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experience
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. They need to have
confidence
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about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their
work
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 because. If they do not have
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
confidence
Punctuation problem
confidence,
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 their job
is
Wrong verb form
will
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 not succeed
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 they need to have
confidence
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.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 they need to have responsibility because if they do not have
responsibility
Punctuation problem
responsibility,
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 they have trouble with customer
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 that company is not reliable from coustomer.
Also
Linking Words
 consumer have give to claim to the company
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 the company have problem.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 when young
people
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 learn
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these
things
Punctuation problem
things,
show examples
 it is good for them. Many
countries
Check wording
countries'
show examples
 children do not know how to strict area about
work
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 place. They usually go to school and
studying
Wrong verb form
study,
show examples
 so they do not know how to strict place
Linking Words
therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
show examples
 if they have
work
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
experience
Punctuation problem
experience,
show examples
 they can
lean
Use the right word
learn
show examples
 and think about
work
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides of the topic. You wrote mostly about why work can help young people, but you did not explain clearly why some people think child work is wrong.
task response
Give your own opinion in a clear way. Add one short sentence in the introduction and one in the end to show what you think.
task response
Use more clear main ideas in each paragraph. Start each paragraph with one main point, then add one or two simple reasons.
task response
Add a real example. For example, a child helping in a family shop for a few hours is very different from a child missing school to work all day.
coherence and cohesion
Make the order more clear. Use a simple plan: introduction, side 1, side 2, your opinion, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with easy words like first, also, however, for example, because, so, in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar breaks the meaning. Write shorter sentences so your ideas are easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Repeat key words in a careful way. Use the same idea words like work, school, safety, pay, and responsibility to keep the topic clear.
task response
You stayed on the topic of young people and work through the essay.
task response
You gave some reasons why work experience can help young people grow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has paragraphs, so there is a basic shape to your writing.
coherence and cohesion
You used some link words like however, also, and therefore.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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