Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

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The issue of teens working has generated significant debate among stakeholders and the public alike.
While
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some argue that
this
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trend entails various drawbacks, I personally believe that I partly agree because of the potential benefits for society and Independence
that is
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gained after that.
This
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essay will justify my position on
this
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matter.
To begin
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with, the primary reason why I support
this
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view is that involving youth in work will help them to gain many skills.
This
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is particularly evident when considering part-time jobs for college students.
For instance
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, empirical evidence demonstrates that middle-agers who are involved in community activities have better soft skills in dealing with problems.
This
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shows that the benefits of
this
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trend are substantial and cannot be overlooked. Admittedly, some critics may argue that no one will expect to work without compensation.
However
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, I believe that
this
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concern is outweighed by the fact that the teenagers will not spend their time working without being paid as an incentive to them. When students
prioritize
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prioritise
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working and it ends with payment, they are better able to achieve and learn the concept of responsibility.
Consequently
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, the advantages of
this
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approach clearly surpass any potential risks. In conclusion,
although
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there are minor concerns regarding paying teens
regarding
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for
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their
woking
Correct your spelling
working
hours, I maintain that doing so is a positive development. Moving forward, it is essential for policymakers and individuals to focus on involving youth to ensure that
this
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trend continues to serve the best interests of society.

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task response
Your answer is not fully clear. You say you agree, but you also say 'partly agree'. Pick one main view and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Write more about unpaid work, because this is the main point in the task. In your essay, you talk about paid work too much, so part of your answer goes away from the question.
task response
Give more direct and real examples. Your example about middle-agers does not fit well because the task is about teenagers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some ideas do not connect well, especially when you move from unpaid work to paid work.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. Some are used well, like 'To begin with' and 'In conclusion', but the meaning between sentences is not always smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Support each main idea more clearly. One main point should have one clear reason and one clear example.
task response
You give your opinion in the introduction and again in the conclusion, so your position is easy to see.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has basic paragraphing, and this helps the reader follow your answer.
task response
You try to explain why work can help teens learn skills and responsibility. This is a good direction for the task.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • community service
  • free time
  • unpaid work
  • local area
  • real life skills
  • team work
  • time management
  • sense of duty
  • social responsibility
  • help others
  • make a difference
  • public spaces
  • food bank
  • care home
  • volunteer work
  • forced labor
  • school pressure
  • mental stress
  • personal choice
  • fair system
  • practical experience
  • benefit society
  • build character
  • learn discipline
  • support local people
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