IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that strict punishments for driving offences are the key to reducing traffic accidents. Others, however, believe that other measures would be more effective in improving road safety. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, the
technolodge
Correct your spelling
technology
 is much
developed
Rephrase
more developed
show examples
 than before, and
Use synonyms
people owened
Wrong verb form
owning
show examples
 a car is quite normal.
Linking Words
however
Capitalize the word
However
show examples
, the car gives us
more
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 easier
life
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
, but also
show examples
 takes many problems.
every
Capitalize the word
Every
show examples
 year has many
people
Use synonyms
 dead in traffic accidents. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
 transport accidents
the
Verb problem
is the
show examples
 key
is
Change preposition
to
show examples
 strict punishments for driving offences, I think
that is
Linking Words
 the way and can be done. For me,
traffic
Correct article usage
a traffic
show examples
 accident is well-known, as my father had met
an
Change preposition
with an
show examples
 accident, and because he
drove
Wrong verb form
had driven
show examples
 too fast and
too
Verb problem
was too
show examples
 tired. If I told him strict punishments, don't so hurry,
this
Linking Words
 accident might
be should n't happen
Wrong verb form
not have happened
show examples
. When
people
Use synonyms
 always think that speed can
take
Verb problem
bring
show examples
 us
excieting
Correct your spelling
exciting
, wonderful
feeling
Check wording
feelings
show examples
 and forget their family worried about them, their future should be fantastic if they take care
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Strict punishment is especially important.
However
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
On
Fix capitalization
on
show examples
 the other hand, many ways can improve road safety,
for example
Linking Words
, more
educate
Replace the word
education
 in
usual
Correct word choice
everyday
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, more
adverting
Use the right word
advertising
show examples
 on TV, radio, newspapers, limit speed on the road, stronger fines. I think that the most important
is
Check wording
thing is
show examples
foundation
Correct article usage
the foundation
show examples
, everything happened, nothing can
do
Wrong verb form
be done
show examples
 more.
but
Capitalize the word
But
show examples
 before it
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
, we can learn
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
plenty
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from
others
Check wording
others'
show examples
 accidents, why we drive so fast, why we forget
the
Correct article usage
our
show examples
 friends, family's love and worry.
Father
Correct subject-verb agreement
Fathers
show examples
 have to educate children, because of
yours mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
their mistakes
show examples
,
you
Fix the agreement mistake
they
show examples
 may
be broken
Wrong verb form
break
show examples
 two families or more
families's
Check wording
families'
show examples
 happiness.
This
Linking Words
 responsibility is huge that you can't
imagin
Correct your spelling
imagine
. So, I think
foundation
Correct article usage
the foundation
show examples
 is the most
need
Replace the word
needed
 thing to do. let Every one need know
about
Correct word choice
that about
show examples
 that car or other transports we invented is our
life
Use synonyms
 to be easier, not bring us sad
, many
Punctuation problem
. Many
show examples
 years ago, not
so
Rephrase
as
show examples
 developed
society
Correct article usage
a society
show examples
 as now, but the world still turned very good,
people
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 still happy.
why
Fix capitalization
Why,
show examples
 when the technolodge become so
develop
Wrong verb form
developed
show examples
, lots of unhappy things happened, government should think about it
,
Correct word order
. Also,
show examples
also
Linking Words
 our
people
Use synonyms
 need attention
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
to this
show examples
 problem
, than
Punctuation problem
; then
show examples
 our
life
Use synonyms
 will be more comfortable and
more safety
Replace the word
safer
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both sides more clearly. Write one clear part for strict punishment and one clear part for other ways.
task response
Give your opinion in a direct way in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some ideas are good, but they need clearer reasons.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each paragraph. This will help your essay feel easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words well, like first, however, for example, because, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each sentence connects clearly to the one before it. Some parts now feel hard to follow.
task response
You answer the topic and talk about both punishment and other ways to make roads safer.
task response
You give a personal example about your father. This makes your essay more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like however, for example, and so.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • repeat offenses
  • infrastructure improvements
  • public awareness campaigns
  • reckless driving
  • traffic management technologies
  • intelligent traffic lights
  • speed cameras
  • public transportation
  • minimize
  • enhance safety
  • allocate funds
  • road signs
  • road safety
What to do next:
Look at other essays: