IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
Zoos. We Need You or Not.
Last
Linking Words
 month, I went to the Dublin
Zoo
Use synonyms
 with my best friend Jack and his
families
Check wording
family
show examples
. I can not remember When was the
last
Linking Words
 time I went to the
Zoo
Use synonyms
 and
see
Wrong verb form
saw
show examples
 the
animals
Use synonyms
. anyway it is
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time ago.
that
Capitalize the word
That
show examples
 time I was a kid
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I was very
very
Punctuation problem
, very
show examples
 happy. We arrived
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
zoo
Use synonyms
 around 11:00 AM
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Jack's two children
they
Verb problem
were
show examples
 so
exciting
Replace the word
excited
, Keep running. Keep asking questions Keep taking photos.... but I did not feel happy any more, I saw the "wild
animals
Use synonyms
" were locked in a small cage, they
even didn't
Correct word order
didn't even
show examples
 move at all, you can not believe they lived in the forest before. I felt sorry for them. I talked with Jack about what I felt
, he
Punctuation problem
. He
show examples
 answered, "Pal, I had the same feeling.
if
Capitalize the word
If
show examples
 you think you give the
foods
Check wording
food
show examples
 and water to the
Use synonyms
animals
Punctuation problem
animals,
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 enough, no, you
wrong
Verb problem
are wrong
show examples
, they need freedom, the same as
human
Check wording
humans
show examples
."
Human
Check wording
Humans
show examples
 can fight for their freedom, use their hands, guns, even use their lifes But poor
animals
Use synonyms
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
want to do it, but against
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
enermy
Correct your spelling
enemy
 -
human
Check wording
humans
show examples
.
they
Capitalize the word
They
show examples
 will never win. When we left the
zoo
Use synonyms
 around 4:00 PM in the afternoon,
We
Fix capitalization
we
show examples
 saw a group deers crossed the road. I saw them running, I even saw their
smelling
Replace the word
smelly
 faces.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, zoos still have some advantages.
First,
Linking Words
the kids love the zoos, they can get knowledges the books and DVDs can not give to them, use
there
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 as a class to teach them
love
Verb problem
to love
show examples
 our world, love our earth.
Second,
Linking Words
you can save the
animals
Use synonyms
, some
animals
Use synonyms
they
Verb problem
are
show examples
 nearly
disapper
Correct your spelling
extinct
 from the earth, like
panda
Correct article usage
the panda
show examples
, we have to protect them. Let the number grow up again, and later we can let them
back
Verb problem
go back
show examples
 to their real home. Trade the
animals
Use synonyms
 as your friend, even if they are in the
Zoo
Use synonyms
, I hope
in
Correct word choice
that in
show examples
 the future, all the
animals
Use synonyms
 will
free
Verb problem
be free
show examples
 from the
Zoo
Use synonyms
, enjoy their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Write a clear first part that says both sides and your own view.
task response
Add one main idea for each side, then explain it more.
task response
Use simple examples to support each point.
coherence and cohesion
Group ideas into clear paragraphs: intro, side 1, side 2, opinion, end.
coherence and cohesion
Use easy link words like first, however, also, in my view, and finally.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one topic in one paragraph. Do not mix story and main argument too much.
task response
You answer both views and give your own opinion.
task response
Your trip to the zoo is a real example and it makes the essay feel true.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a beginning, body ideas, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used, like on the other hand and first, second.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • captivity
  • natural habitat
  • artificial enclosures
  • genetic diversity
  • animal welfare
  • conservation efforts
  • endangered species
  • biodiversity
  • education platform
  • breeding programs
  • reintroduction
  • psychological suffering
What to do next:
Look at other essays: