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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart shows the average size class in primary schools and lower secondary schools in 6 countries compared to the world average in 2006.

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The bar chart compares the average number of
students
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 per
class
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 in primary schools and lower secondary schools between 6
countries
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 and the
world
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 average in 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
,
countries
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 in different continents had
separated
Wrong verb form
separate
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 trends when
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the global figure.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in Asia, the South Korean and Japanese size
class
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 for the primary kids was slightly lower than that for the secondary
students
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 and similar to the
world
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 trend.
However
Linking Words
, the South Korean classes
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 more crowded than the Japanese and the
world
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 average, and recorded the highest number of
students
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 in 6
countries
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, at around 35 for primary level and 40 for secondary level.
In contrast
Linking Words
, European primary classes were designed for more
students
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 than secondary classes. Among 3
countries
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 in
Euro
Use the right word
Europe
show examples
, only the UK recorded the figure of the primary
class
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 size above the global average.
Finally
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 South America, the number
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students
Change preposition
of students
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the secondary
class
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 was higher than that of the
world
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Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 contrast to the figure of the primary
class
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 86%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, class, countries, world with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 2 times.
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