Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic. When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Some
people
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believe that with technological advancements in countries, the traditional skills
belonged
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that belonged
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to a nation would completely disappear
no
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, no
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matter what could happen. In my humble opinion, it seems to me that it is completely
irrelevance
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irrelevant
, because citizens still gather in some places without online interactions and choose hand-made options
instead
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of artificial ones. In
this
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essay, I will discuss these with explanations and
their
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apply
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examples.
Firstly
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, the general public all around the world
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
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in a technological era. With
goverments'
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governments'
support, some local companies and
people
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have
made
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done
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a great amount of work related to technology.
Therefore
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, they have provided us
some
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with some
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technological devices,
such
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as mobile phones and tablets.
Furthermore
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, smartphones have come
to
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into
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our lives
and
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, and
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they have been giving some good facilities to individuals since it was announced. For
intance
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instance
, social media and other online communication systems give us great convenience to communicate with
people
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accordingly
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.
However
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, real face-to-face interactions and some celebrations in person have remained stable
constrast
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in contrast
to these
advencements
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advancements
. Another example of
this
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is the
people
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in the UK. They still send some special written postcards to each other by post for celebrations as a tradition.
Redarding
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Regarding
the other
disagremeent
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disagreement
about
this
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trend, Japan is the best example among countries in
this
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context. There
are
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is
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simply really advanced technology in that country. We could give an
examle
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example
about art. Because
,
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apply
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they still keep their traditional hand-made works. Some anime movies and series
still
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are still
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have been producing
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being produced
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by hand despite
of
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apply
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the artificial intelligence (AI). The AI network has been given really good convenience to
their
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its
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users,
it
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which
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makes
people
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's work really easy and almost spotless.
On the other hand
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,
people
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value hand-made products and keep
prefering
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preferring
them
accordingly
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.
To conclude
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, tradition completely belongs
our
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to our
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cultural heritage.
Morever
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Moreover
, it could be really hard to forget
due to
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technological improvements. Individuals would continue to celebrate their traditional days in person and with their physical gifts.
Moreover
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, they use their
hand-made
Correct your spelling
handmade
belongings or work for just their personal touches and aesthetic values.

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task response
Give a clearer answer to the question all through the essay. Say more directly if you disagree, and keep this idea in each body part.
task response
Explain your main ideas more. Some points are good, but they need fuller support.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and closely linked to your main point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Some sentences jump too fast from one point to another.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one clear main idea.
task response
You answer the topic and show your opinion.
task response
You use examples from the UK and Japan, which helps your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is split into paragraphs, which helps the reader follow it.
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