Some people believe that women should stay at home and should take care of children, while others believe that women should work. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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People
Use synonyms
argue that females should only take the
responsiblity
Correct your spelling
responsibility
of nurturing
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
and looking after household chores
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
the other group wants
women
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to work independently. To my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
, both genders should have equal freedom and responsibilities to make
this
Linking Words
world better.
People
Use synonyms
who tend to say that
women
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are not required to
present
Verb problem
be present
show examples
in workfields thinks that
women
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are weaker than men and are not able to handle the
outer
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outside
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world.
This
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notion is
stick
Wrong verb form
stuck
show examples
with them from
past
Correct article usage
the past
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and
elder
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older
show examples
people
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, as girls were not allowed to study years ago,
this
Linking Words
belief is carried out by some even in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
too. Surprisingly, females are forced to stay inside and
expected
Verb problem
are expected
show examples
to serve the family and kids.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others and
i beleive
Correct your spelling
I believe
that both sexes have the right to live in their own way. There are many wonderful
women
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who are
recognized
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recognised
show examples
on the basis of
their
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the
show examples
roles they have played in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
fields and have contributed
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
their nation.
For example
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,
kalpana
Capitalize the proper name
Kalpana
show examples
Chawal was the first
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women who was able
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
to go
in the
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into
show examples
space and Celebrities like priyanaka chopra is now known as
a star
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stars
show examples
worldwide.
Therefore
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, the courageous
women
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have set an example to make
people
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realize
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realise
show examples
that
females
Check wording
women
show examples
can lead in any industry. In conclusion, men and
women
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should have equal freedom and
responsiblities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
because it is not the job of
women
Use synonyms
only to take care of the house and family , both can contribute equally and still can work as they want in their desired fields.

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task response
Write a clearer answer to both sides. Say more about why some people want women to stay at home, and more about why others want women to work.
task response
Give your opinion in a direct way and keep it the same from start to end.
task response
Add one or two more clear ideas in each body paragraph. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Use examples that are close to the topic. Famous people are good, but family and work examples may fit better here.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end, which is good.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea only. This will help the reader follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' should connect ideas in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of grammar and word choice. Shorter and simpler sentences can help your ideas sound clearer.
task response
You answered both views and gave your own opinion.
task response
You used examples to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is mostly easy to follow.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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