IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people say that in order to keep fit we should all join the gym. Some people, however, think that we can exercise at home and in parks. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays , there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 two different opinions , some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
people
Use synonyms
 can exercise at home and in parks ,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that in order to keep fit
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
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 should join and training at the gym , In my point of
view
Punctuation problem
view,
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 I agree with both sides , because both of them have
a benefit
Check wording
benefits
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 .

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task response
Answer both sides more fully. Now you only say you agree with both sides, but you do not explain each view well.
task response
Add clear reasons for why gym is good and why home or park exercise is good.
task response
Give one simple example for each side, like gym machines or running in the park.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer order: first introduce the topic, then one side, then the other side, then your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like first, however, also, for example, and in conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Write full sentences and avoid putting too many ideas in one long sentence.
task response
You clearly show that there are two different views.
task response
You give your opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your main idea is easy to understand.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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