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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below shows the per capita consumption of whole milk and low-fat milk in the United States between 1970 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph illustrates the number of people who lived in three different states(
Columbia
Use synonyms
,
Yamhill
Use synonyms
, and
Washington
Use synonyms
) between 1940 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the population in both
Columbia
Use synonyms
 and
Yamhill
Use synonyms
 slightly increased over the period in the same way
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
Washington
Use synonyms
 witnessed a significant climb.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, all of the states reached a peak in 2000,
while
Linking Words
 their lowest number of people was in 1940. The sharpest difference between the states was between
Columbia
Use synonyms
 and
Washington
Use synonyms
 in 2000. Moving to details, both
Columbia
Use synonyms
 and
Yamhill
Use synonyms
 rose.
Yamhill
Use synonyms
 accounted for 30
thousand
Use synonyms
 residents in 1940, which was higher than
Columbia
Use synonyms
, which recorded around 28
thousand
Use synonyms
. In 1970,
Columbia
Use synonyms
's population was about 30
thousand
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it steadily increased,
while
Linking Words
 it reached exactly 45
thousand
Use synonyms
 in
Yamhill
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Washington
Use synonyms
 took a different trend; in 1940, the population was 75
thousand
Use synonyms
, after that, it reached just over 240
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 2000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words columbia, yamhill, washington, thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • comparison
  • preference
  • significant
  • decline
  • rise
  • trend
  • gradual
  • surpass
  • pattern
  • shift
  • healthier options
  • approximately
  • amount
  • between
  • overall
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