Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Other think parents needn’t do that as children can read books or watch TV, or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some individuals think that
parents
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should read or tell legends to
children
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.The other half thinks that
parents
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should not do that because
children
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can read books or watch and entertain themselves by themselves.
This
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essay will discuss
this
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trend and give both opinions. Regarding the first half, sometimes
children
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can not be independent because they wait for everything to be done by their
parents
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.
For example
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, many
children
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think that everything should be provided by their
parents
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or guardians.
However
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, making simple things
such
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as telling
stories
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after a definite period of age led to irresponsibility in future.
For example
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,
children
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after becoming an adult may not make any job at their work or company.Personally,
parents
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should tell
stories
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to their
children
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once a day when they go to sleep, but there is one nuance ,
such
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as
parents
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should not read books to them or retell some
stories
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after
children
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become teenagers.
In contrast
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, the other half are
also
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correct about their opinion because telling
stories
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to their
children
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is
the
Correct article usage
a
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way of showing care and love.Some people can not be
parents
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for a long period of
time
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, so they want to see their
children
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every
time
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near by them.
Therefore
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, telling
stories
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for
children
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can be seen as a process for being sure that their
children
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fall asleep without any issues.From my perspective,
parents
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should have a balance in telling
stories
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for their
children
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because that can affect their character and make them irresponsible in life. In conclusion,
i
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I
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think that everything should be proportional
Punctuation problem
. Parents
show examples
parents
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should show love,
time
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and care to their
children
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.
Nonetheless
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, their spent
time
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should not make them always independent.
Children
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, after they become teenagers, must read and watch by themselves.

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task response
Answer both sides more clearly. One body part should support parents reading stories. The other body part should support children doing it by themselves.
task response
Give your opinion in a clear way from the start and keep it the same. Now your view changes and this makes the essay weak.
task response
Use examples that fit the topic more. Your example about work and company is not close to children and bedtime stories.
coherence and cohesion
Make one main idea in each paragraph, then explain it. Some ideas now move back and forth and are hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words like 'however', 'therefore', and 'in contrast' should match the idea before and after them.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order and word choice. Some parts are not clear, so the reader must guess your meaning.
coherence and cohesion
You wrote an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion. This is a good essay shape.
task response
You tried to discuss both views and also gave your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You used some linking words to connect ideas across the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • bonding
  • cognitive development
  • multisensory learning
  • narratives
  • foster
  • empathy
  • vicarious experiences
  • storytelling
  • screen time
  • interpretation
  • media literacy
  • language acquisition
  • innate curiosity
  • scaffolding
  • imaginative play
  • literary appreciation
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