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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts show the percentage of male and female workers in country A and country B.

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The given pie charts provide information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of men and women employees in
country
Use synonyms
 A and
country
Use synonyms
 B. The given data is measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 both genders who
work
Use synonyms
 in
services
Use synonyms
 represented the highest rate all time,
while
Linking Words
 others proportion is changed over time. Observing in detail, in
country
Use synonyms
 A, 15% of males
work
Use synonyms
 in an
industry
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
agriculture
Use synonyms
 sector constituted 29%. Most of the men, who represented 56% ,
work
Use synonyms
 in
services
Use synonyms
. There is a little difference between the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of females who
work
Use synonyms
 in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and service, accounting for 43% and 495, respectively.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the
industry
Use synonyms
 sector made up 8%. Turning to
country
Use synonyms
 B, a low
percentage
Use synonyms
 of men
work
Use synonyms
 in
agriculture
Use synonyms
, representing 3%,
while
Linking Words
 most males prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 in
services
Use synonyms
. The
percentage
Use synonyms
 of males
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who
work
Use synonyms
 in an
industry
Use synonyms
 accounted for 32%. There is a huge difference between the figures for females who
work
Use synonyms
 in the
industry
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
, representing 11% and 88%, respectively. 1% of the women
work
Use synonyms
 in an
agriculture
Use synonyms
 sector.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, country, work, services, industry, agriculture with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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