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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The line graph illustrates the changes in ownership of electrical
appliances
Use synonyms
 and
amount
Add an article
the amount
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 of time spent doing
housework
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 in households in one country which were consumed between 1920 and 2019. Units are
measures
Wrong verb form
measured
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 in
percentage
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percentages
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 and
Use synonyms
week
Check wording
weeks
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the percentage of households with electrical
appliances
Use synonyms
 (washing machine, refrigerator, vacuum cleaner) increased over the period given,
while
Linking Words
 the number
Use synonyms
hours
Change preposition
of hours
show examples
 of
housework
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 decreased. At the
strat
Correct your spelling
start
 of the period of washing machine was the most popular electrical
applinance
Correct your spelling
appliance
. By the end, the refrigerator and vacuum cleaner were the most
popluar
Correct your spelling
popular
 electrical
appliances
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of
housework
Use synonyms
 was high, by the end, it
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
.
Wiht regards
Correct your spelling
With regard
 to the percentage of
electriral
Correct your spelling
electrical
appliances
Use synonyms
 in the washing machine, it began at around 40% and
then
Linking Words
 peaked at around 65% in 2019.
Likewise
Linking Words
, approximately 5% of refrigerator was owned in
1920
Punctuation problem
1920,
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 after which the figure fluctualed rose to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak at 100% and reached a plateau until 2019.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of
hours
Use synonyms
 of
housework
Use synonyms
 started at the peak of around 50
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 and started decreasing and fell slightly in the following years to approximately 10
hours
Use synonyms
 per
week
Use synonyms
 in 2019.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words appliances, housework, week, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household appliances
  • time-efficient
  • labour-saving devices
  • technological innovations
  • ownership rate
  • housework chores
  • domestic workload
  • automation
  • advancements
  • trend analysis
  • societal shifts
  • economic impact
  • durability
  • lifespan of appliances
  • maintenance
  • historical comparison
  • time allocation
  • drudgery reduction
  • energy consumption
  • disruption in trends
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