Some people think that students should study only subjects that will be useful in the future, such as I.T. Others believe they should study a wide range of subjects. To what extent do you agree?

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Education has changed through the years. Many people believe that
students
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should
study
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only
subjects
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that will be useful in the future.
Also
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, some people believe they should
study
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a wide range of
subjects
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. I partially agree with his statement.
This
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essay will provide evidence to support my idea. I do not agree that
students
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should
study
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a wide range of
subjects
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because it is important for
students
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to learn different things.
First,
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many
subjects
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can be useful ,
for example
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, art or music
classes
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. Many people think that they are not important , but they are. Art can express student feeling
also
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music can change the mood for the
students
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depending on what they are listening to.
Second,
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if
students
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learn new things, they will not get bored.
Also
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, if studying the same subject over and over , the student will hate it.
Lastly
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, some
subjects
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aren’t important
as a
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at
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rest, but they are important for health.
For example
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, PE
classes
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or diet education
classes
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help to improve a
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students
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student's
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overall
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life. I disagree that
students
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should only
study
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useful
clases
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classes
.
First,
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studying only a few
classes
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means
students
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do not learn about other forms of education. It can be useful in some ways because it will focus more on computer
classes
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,
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and
technology
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in general
,
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apply
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than the other
classes
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that are not as important as the
technology
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classes
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.
Second,
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IT
classes
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are important for the future because it’s all about computers and
technology
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, and about 70 to 80% jobs will use
technology
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completely for the job.
Lastly
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, I believe all
students
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should know how to use
technology
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even in a basic way because computers are the future. In conclusion, I agree that
students
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should
study
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many different
subjects
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.
However
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, they should not only
study
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classes
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that are practical,
such
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as computer
class
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classes
show examples
.

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task response
Make your main idea very clear from the start. You say 'partially agree,' but later you mostly support studying many subjects. Keep one clear position all through the essay.
task response
Answer the question more directly. The topic asks 'to what extent do you agree?' so each body part should clearly show why you agree or disagree.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. For example, explain how art, PE, or IT helps students in school or work.
task response
Some ideas are good, but they are not fully explained. Add one or two more lines after each main point to show how and why it is true.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Some linking is basic and repeated, like 'First,' 'Second,' and 'Lastly.' Try to make the flow smoother by connecting ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
A few sentences do not connect well. For example, the first body starts with 'I do not agree' but then gives reasons for studying many subjects. Make sure each paragraph has one clear purpose.
coherence and cohesion
Group similar ideas together. Put all points about wide learning in one part and all points about useful future subjects in another part with clear topic sentences.
task response
You clearly discuss both sides of the topic, which helps answer the question.
task response
You give more than one example, such as art, music, PE, diet, and IT.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, so the essay feels complete.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple paragraphing, and this helps the reader follow your ideas.
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