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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Bar chart shows the top ten countries for consumption and production of electricity in 2014.

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The picture depicts the bar chart
about
Change preposition
of
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 the usage of electricity for several countries in 2014. The
counties
Use the right word
countries
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 consist
from
Change preposition
of
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 Asia, America,
Linking Words
as well as
Correct word choice
and
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 Europe, and the measurement is in billion kWh.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the bar chart that the top 2 of consumption and
production
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 China and the USA,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest was from Germany and Korea. Based on the population, China claimed the highest amount of
production
Use synonyms
 at 5.398,
while
Linking Words
 the consumption was at 5.322, making it only 76 billion kWh difference,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
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 by
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States at the second place at around 4.099 for making the electricity,
whereas
Linking Words
 the usage of the energy was at 3.866. The rest of the countries had
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant value of
production
Use synonyms
 and consumption
at
Change preposition
apply
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below 2.000 kWh. All of the countries had the amount of
production
Use synonyms
 higher than the usage of electricity
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as China, the USA, Japan, India, Russia, Canada, France, Brazil, and Korea, except Germany.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • the bar chart shows
  • compares
  • electricity production
  • electricity consumption
  • in 2014
  • the top ten countries
  • the highest figure
  • the lowest figure
  • far higher than
  • slightly higher than
  • almost the same as
  • a small gap
  • a large gap
  • ranked first
  • ranked second
  • came third
  • accounted for
  • produced more than it used
  • used more than it produced
  • in general
  • overall
  • it is clear that
  • by contrast
  • while
  • whereas
  • respectively
  • figure
  • amount
  • use
  • power
  • close to
  • well above
  • well below
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