IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think the best option is to accept a difficult situation, such as having a job they do not enjoy or not having enough money. Others believe it is better to try to make such situations better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Although
Linking Words
 some people believe that having a stable
life
Use synonyms
 and living in difficulties are better than facing challenges, others believe that quality of
life
Use synonyms
 requires
to try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to correct
such
Linking Words
 circumstances. In my opinion, I think that we should always work to have a sustainable
life
Use synonyms
 and not
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
accept a difficult situation without trying to correct it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some individuals argue that accepting difficult situations is the best choice to ensure a stable
life
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they often have several responsibilities that leave them with limited options.
For example
Linking Words
, people with family responsibilities prefer to have stable financial income and remain in low-paid jobs rather than searching for uncertain opportunities which might leave them unemployed and prevent them
meeting
Change preposition
from meeting
show examples
 their financial obligations and supporting their families. need to have financial security, and they prefer the
low pay
Correct your spelling
low-pay
 companies
instead
Linking Words
 of looking for another uncertain opportunity.
This
Linking Words
 example demonstrates that accepting difficulties is the best practical option rather than personal preference.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, other people believe it is better to try to improve difficult situations. They often search for opportunities to improve their professional and personal lives. These individuals are not afraid of losing their jobs or becoming unemployed despite their responsibilities, because they are confident in their skills and experience.
Thus
Linking Words
, in order to have career advancement and job satisfaction, they constantly pursue opportunities and are ready to resign when they find better job offers. They believe that
this
Linking Words
 career development will enable them to have a higher salary to support their families and meet their financial obligations and needs.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 example shows that trying to improve difficult circumstances is a valuable choice to enhance the quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, from my
prospective
Replace the word
perspective
, I
recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 that we should always work
to the
Change preposition
through
show examples
 difficult situations and search for better
prospect
Check wording
prospects
show examples
 to enhance our lives and maintain
joyful
Correct article usage
a joyful
show examples
 quality of
life
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Answer both sides in a more even way. The second side has more detail than the first side.
task response
Make your own view very clear in the introduction and in the end with the same idea.
task response
Use one clear example for each main idea and explain it step by step.
task response
Some ideas repeat, like family needs and money. Try to add new support instead of saying the same point again.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end, which is good. But some sentences are too long and hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words are used well, but sometimes the flow is not smooth because of repeated or broken sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and make sure every sentence supports that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence order carefully. One sentence in paragraph 2 repeats the same point and breaks the flow.
task response
You discussed both views and gave your own opinion.
task response
Your position is clear: you think people should try to make life better.
task response
You used relevant ideas about work, money, and family duties.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear paragraph structure with introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You used linking words like firstly, nevertheless, thus, and consequently.
coherence and cohesion
Most main points are easy to identify.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accept
  • difficult
  • situation
  • job
  • money
  • option
  • view
  • discuss
  • own
  • opinion
  • better
  • improve
  • change
  • plan
  • goal
  • effort
  • risk
  • skill
  • learn
  • life
  • work
  • future
  • save
  • decide
  • problem
  • help
  • step
  • stay
  • move
  • balance
  • decision
  • support
  • hope
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