IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Write a letter to the local authorities for requesting additional sports facilities for your age group in your area. - Mention about the current sports facilities available - What kind of additional sports facilities should be introduced - How the new sports facilities would be of help for the people in your age group

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Dear Officer, I am
Mrs.
Change the punctuation
Mrs
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Swe Zin Moe. I am 38 years old. I would like to write a letter about requesting additional sports facilities in
Woodlands
Correct article usage
the Woodlands
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 area, especially for my age group.
Currently
Add a comma
Currently,
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 in my
resident
Replace the word
residential
 compound, there are some courts for tennis and badminton, which can be occupied
in
Change preposition
during the
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 day and night. In these locations, most students are playing at evenings after school time,
while
Linking Words
 other working youth are exercising at weekends.
However
Linking Words
, some activities
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as a basketball court, a fitness
center
Change the spelling
centre
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, and a swimming
pool
Punctuation problem
pool,
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 should
also
Linking Words
 be introduced in order to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
 of middle-aged people. I fully understand that it might
need the
Verb problem
take
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 time to implement the extra projects,
whereas
Linking Words
 I would like to hope
much
Correct word choice
that
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 if you provide the
gymnastics
Punctuation problem
gymnastics,
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 at least we can do the physical exercises without transporting to another district. We, as in
40s
Correct determiner usage
our 40s
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, definitely require these installations because they can help the citizens
at
Change preposition
of
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 my same age by motivating our mind and body, and boosting the energy as well. Especially, we can be reducing job
stresss
Check wording
stress
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, and be improving our mental health. I am hereby hoping much for your
coming
Correct word choice
apply
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response to my appeal letter. Best regards Swe Zin Moe

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task response
For task response, you answer all parts, but some ideas need more clear detail.
task response
Say more about how each new place will help people in your age group in daily life.
coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your letter has a clear start, middle, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Use easier linking words like also, because, so, and for example to make ideas flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one main point and avoid long sentences.
task response
You cover the current sports places, new places needed, and why they help.
task response
Your tone is polite and fits a formal letter.
coherence and cohesion
Your greeting and closing are good for a letter.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are put into separate paragraphs.
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