Movies and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have a negative effect on society and should be censored. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, some people have pointed out that
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apply
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violence in films and video
games
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should be censored
due to
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its
negetive
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negative
impact on the community
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.
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However
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,
this
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is not entirely straightforward, as arguments can
also
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be made against
this
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idea.
This
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essay will discuss both views and give a concluding opinion. On the one hand, supporters of
cencoring
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censoring
films and
games
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cite that
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children and young adults who watch and play some of these violent
movies
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or
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game
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games
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, learn and
practicalize
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practice
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some of the scenes in reality.
This
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is because they are naive and might not be able to distinguish what would be a dangerous
staunt
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stunt
, and that they could hurt other people with it.
For example
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, children
tends
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tend
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to engage in physical fights to show some skills they picked up
while
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watching Kung Fu
movies
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. If
this
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issue is not curtailed immediately,
then
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they could become
nuisance
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a nuisance
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to their society.
In contrast
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, opponents of
this
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idea point out that
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gaming and watching
movies
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is
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are
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just
a
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apply
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simple
way
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ways
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to relax. They highlighted that
games
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are played for the fun and the thrilling effects. So, censoring some of its content would make the
game
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boring, which could result in a decline in
number
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the number
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of interested players.They
backed-up
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backed up
their argument by giving
example
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an example
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of the Mortal Kombat
game
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,
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;
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they pointed out that, if the fighting in the
game
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is censored,
then
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the whole purpose of the
game
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has been defeated. In conclusion, I believe that it is better to produce
games
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and
movies
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that are
age appropriate
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age-appropriate
, as
this
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will have a longer effect than when some parts are only censored.

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task response
Make your main opinion more clear. Say your view in the introduction and support it again in the body.
task response
Discuss both sides in a more even way. The second side is clear, but the first side needs a little more explanation.
task response
Add one more clear example or result for each main idea to make your points stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Link some ideas more smoothly. A few parts feel too long or joined with commas.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences can be split into two shorter ones for better reading.
task response
You answered both sides of the question and gave your own opinion at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You used examples like Kung Fu movies and Mortal Kombat to support your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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