Movies and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have a negative effect on society and should be censored. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Nowadays, some people have pointed out that

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apply

show examples

violence in films and video

games

Use synonyms

should be censored

due to

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its

negetive

Correct your spelling

negative

impact on the community

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show examples

However

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this

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is not entirely straightforward, as arguments can

also

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be made against

this

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idea.

This

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essay will discuss both views and give a concluding opinion. On the one hand, supporters of

cencoring

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censoring

films and

games

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cite that

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children and young adults who watch and play some of these violent

movies

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game

Fix the agreement mistake

games

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, learn and

practicalize

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practice

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some of the scenes in reality.

This

Linking Words

is because they are naive and might not be able to distinguish what would be a dangerous

staunt

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stunt

, and that they could hurt other people with it.

For example

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, children

tends

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tend

show examples

to engage in physical fights to show some skills they picked up

while

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watching Kung Fu

movies

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. If

this

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issue is not curtailed immediately,

then

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they could become

nuisance

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a nuisance

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to their society.

In contrast

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, opponents of

this

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idea point out that

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apply

show examples

gaming and watching

movies

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Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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just

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apply

show examples

simple

way

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ways

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to relax. They highlighted that

games

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are played for the fun and the thrilling effects. So, censoring some of its content would make the

game

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boring, which could result in a decline in

number

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the number

show examples

of interested players.They

backed-up

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backed up

their argument by giving

example

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an example

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of the Mortal Kombat

game

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;

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they pointed out that, if the fighting in the

game

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is censored,

then

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the whole purpose of the

game

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has been defeated. In conclusion, I believe that it is better to produce

games

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and

movies

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that are

age appropriate

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age-appropriate

, as

this

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will have a longer effect than when some parts are only censored.

paulinaonoja2016

Jul 22, 2026

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task response

Make your main opinion more clear. Say your view in the introduction and support it again in the body.

task response

Discuss both sides in a more even way. The second side is clear, but the first side needs a little more explanation.

task response

Add one more clear example or result for each main idea to make your points stronger.

coherence and cohesion

Link some ideas more smoothly. A few parts feel too long or joined with commas.

coherence and cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences at the start of each body paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

Check paragraph flow. Some sentences can be split into two shorter ones for better reading.

task response

You answered both sides of the question and gave your own opinion at the end.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

task response

You used examples like Kung Fu movies and Mortal Kombat to support your ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

269 words

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