IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given chart provides information about the weekly outcomes of families in 1968 and 2018.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Get started →
The given bar chart illustrates the weekly spending of families from 1968 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, families spent a large proportion of their money on food, housing and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
leisure activities
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 portion of cash
kept
Verb problem
was kept
show examples
 for fuel and power.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
 amount
used
Verb problem
is used
show examples
 for household
grocery
Check wording
groceries
show examples
. In 1968, 40 per cent
weekly
Change preposition
of weekly
show examples
 income
is utilized
Wrong verb form
was utilised
show examples
 on buying fruits and
vegetables
Punctuation problem
vegetables,
show examples
 as the ratio decreased significantly in
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
show examples
 accounted to 15%. 10% currency
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 to
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
show examples
 sector in 1968
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 increased to about 19% in 2018.
However
Linking Words
, a small proportion of seven
days earning
Check wording
days' earnings,
show examples
 around 6% allocated to power and fuel in 1968 and the figure declined slightly in 2018. As for clothing and
footware
Correct your spelling
footwear
, 10% surplus of money
separated
Verb problem
was separated
show examples
 for shopping in 1968
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the percentage
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 notably in 2018 made up of 5%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, 13% coin is used to pay
fare
Correct article usage
the fare
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 transport in
1968
Punctuation problem
1968,
show examples
 as
their
Use the right word
there
show examples
 is a tremendous
rose
Replace the word
rise
 in
2018
Punctuation problem
2018,
show examples
 approximately 14%. Families
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 22 per cent income
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 leisure activities in
1968
Punctuation problem
1968,
show examples
 as the ratio fell remarkably to 9% in 1968.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • weekly spending
  • family budget
  • share
  • accounted for
  • made up
  • the largest item
  • a smaller proportion
  • increase
  • decrease
  • change over time
  • in comparison
  • while
  • whereas
  • rose
  • fell
What to do next:
Look at other essays: