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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweigh people in society? How can this problem be solved?

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The general public faces some health issues regarding their increased body sizes
due to
Linking Words
overweight
Verb problem
being overweight
show examples
. It can be seen that several problems are related to a lack of physical
activities
Check wording
activity
show examples
 and personal diet.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 and
doctors
Use synonyms
 play a pivotal role in shaping individuals'
lives
Use synonyms
. Over the years, an ongoing debate
is
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 been discussed by
people
Use synonyms
 regarding being overweight. It affects so many individuals'
lives
Use synonyms
 in a bad way.
Additionally
Linking Words
, with technological advancements,
people
Use synonyms
 have started using technological devices in their daily
lives
Use synonyms
. They have provided so many features for the public.
Howevet
Correct your spelling
However
, it has
also
Linking Words
 led to sedentary lifestyles, because most
people
Use synonyms
 have been spending their
time
Use synonyms
 on their mobile phones, as they find
those
Fix the agreement mistake
that
show examples
 online entertainment and social media platforms are so engaging.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, most of them
even do not
Correct word order
do not even
show examples
 find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enough
time
Use synonyms
 for exercising, being very busy
related to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 work.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, some have started spending their little
time
Use synonyms
 searching for joy, and they
even could not
Correct word order
cannot even
show examples
 find the right
time
Use synonyms
 for cooking a meal.
Hence
Linking Words
, they have preferred ordering it online
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it has led to
inappopriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
 diet habits. Some solutions might be provided by governments and
doctors
Use synonyms
.
Community
Correct article usage
The community
show examples
 tends to listen to their
doctors
Use synonyms
' advice.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are some television programmes which are specifically produced for the general public who lack physical
exercises
Check wording
exercise
show examples
 and
bad
Verb problem
have bad
show examples
 dietary habits. On top of that,
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 could be the other helper for the citizens. The local
municiple
Correct your spelling
municipality
 could provide the community with free fitness
equipments
Check wording
equipment
show examples
 and
dedicated
Correct article usage
a dedicated
show examples
 route for
people
Use synonyms
 who go for a run or a brisk walk.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
municiple
Correct your spelling
municipality
 could build special parks for their specific needs. Parks would be great for everyone who wants to hang out in
freash
Correct your spelling
fresh
 air and spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 in lush areas.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 some health problems are obvious
due to
Linking Words
 technology and busy
lives
Use synonyms
, they could easily be solved with enough support
by municipals
Change preposition
from municipalities
show examples
 and
doctors
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 need to pay attention to their health; without
consistensy
Correct your spelling
consistency
 and effort,
this
Linking Words
 would be impossible.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Say more clearly why people get overweight and how each solution can help.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer main ideas in each body paragraph. One paragraph can be about reasons, and one can be about solutions.
task response
Add more direct examples. For example, explain how fast food and long office hours lead to weight gain.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more simply and clearly. Some sentences are long and hard to follow.
task response
Make each point support the main topic only. A few ideas about technology are too general.
task response
You answered both the causes and the solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words like 'furthermore', 'moreover', and 'for instance'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overweight
  • serious health problems
  • unhealthy food
  • sedentary lifestyles
  • physical activity
  • psychological factors
  • stress
  • emotional eating
  • body image
  • eating habits
  • cultural norms
  • portion sizes
  • awareness
  • education
  • nutrition
  • healthy eating
  • dietary choices
  • promoting
  • fruits
  • vegetables
  • whole grains
  • physical activity
  • recreational facilities
  • balanced diets
  • implementing policies
  • food advertising
  • marketing
  • healthcare professionals
  • weight management
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