Movies and computer games containing violence are popular. Some people say they have a negative effect on society and should be censored. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Movies
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and
computer
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games
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containing violence are popular. Some
people
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say they have a negative effect on
society
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and should be censored. Others say they are just harmless relaxation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. There is an ongoing debate about
movies
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and
computer
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games
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containing violence, with some arguing that they can pose a detrimental threat to
society
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and should be censored,
while
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others believe that they just have a negative impact on their relaxation.
However
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, I firmly believe that
such
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movies
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and
computer
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games
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can lead to both social and personal problems. Supporters of the negative effects of violent
movies
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and
computer
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games
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claim that they encourage poor behaviours, particularly among young
people
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, because most of them cannot distinguish the beneficial and harmful consequences of
such
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habits, which can increase the risks of poor decisions and crime in
society
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.
Moreover
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, they can give rise to serious mental
health
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challenges
such
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as stress and depression, placing a burden on healthcare systems and reducing the
overall
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well-being in
society
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.
For instance
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, open-world
games
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such
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as GTA expose children to various crimes and sexual content, which can negatively affect their mental
health
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and increase the likelihood of crime in societies, especially developing ones.
Hence
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, violent
movies
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and
computer
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games
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can play a crucial role in
emerging
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the emergence of
various social problems.
On the other hand
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, critics argue that violent
movies
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and
computer
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games
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only influence individuals' tranquillity. They leave individuals with limited time and energy to participate in various outdoor activities,
such
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as exploring nature, spending quality time with their friends and family, and
socializing
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socialising
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. A lack of these activities can contribute significantly to experiencing stress, which has a detrimental impact on relationships and mental
health
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.
As a result
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,
people
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may experience loneliness and depression.
For example
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, children who spend an excessive amount of time playing violent video
games
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often struggle with serious
health
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issues
such
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as stress and obesity and have weak relationships, which
contributes
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contribute
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significantly to personal challenges and poor essential life skills.
Thus
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,
such
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movies
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and video
games
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can hinder individuals' personal development
while
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damaging their
overall
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well-being.
To sum up
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, from my perspective,
although
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violent video
games
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and films can negatively impact
people
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's mental
health
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, they can
also
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bring about social issues.
Therefore
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, governments and parents should restrict
such
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movies
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and
computer
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games
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to protect young
people
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and
society
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from growing crimes and
health
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problems.

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task response
Make your own view more clear in the first part and keep it the same in the whole essay.
task response
Discuss both sides in a more fair way. The second side is not fully explained as 'harmless relaxation'.
task response
Use examples that fit the point more closely and explain them more.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph and link it clearly to the topic sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas repeat, like stress and depression. Try to add new support instead of the same point again.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking between sentences so each point grows step by step.
task response
You answer all parts of the question and give your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
You use examples like GTA and children to support your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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