IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Housing is basic necessity for everyone. Therefore, the government should provide free housing for people who cannot afford to pay for it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, having one's own house is important for everyone.
However
Linking Words
, some
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 argue that the government should provide free housing for residents who cannot afford to pay for it. I
am
Verb problem
apply
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fully agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 situation.
To begin
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 with, it is important to consider that in several countries, there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have their own
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
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. The reason for
this
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 is that wages are very low and not enough to buy
house
Correct article usage
a house
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. Even in some cases,
people
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 cannot afford to pay rent.
For example
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, in my
country
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, most of the poor
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from
this
Linking Words
 problem. It is true, the authorities may give an advantage to take a credit
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, banks do not give any
money
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 to
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 who do not have a stable income. Because a lot of poor residents do not have any qualifications and that’s why they work in part-time jobs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if they have children, it requires much more
money
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 than living alone. If they save
money
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 to buy a house or pay rent, no
money
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 would be left to treat their children well. Another significant point is that most of the time, the authorities cannot pay for accommodation for all
people
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. It may be out of budget, especially in developing countries. A clear example of
this
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 is Uzbekistan. In
this
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country
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, there are lots of debt from
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 countries.
This
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 demonstrates that the government cannot spend all the
money
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 towards housing. If
this
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 happens, there is no doubt
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 goes to crisis. But, if the
country
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 learns about residents’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and tries to choose suitable
people
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 to help, it can create a good living for the public. The living conditions will improve in the near future.
To sum up
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, though
to
Correct word order
it is difficult to
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 pay for accommodation for the public
is difficult
Correct word order
apply
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, the government should cover the cost of housing for poor
people
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view more clear at the start. Say if you fully agree, partly agree, or disagree, and keep this same view all through the essay.
task response
Answer all parts of the question in a more direct way. You say the government should help, but you also say it may not have money. Explain this in a clearer way.
task response
Add more clear support for each main idea. Give one reason, then explain it, then give one simple example.
coherence and cohesion
Use topic sentences at the start of each body part so the reader can follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not smooth. Use simple linking words well, such as first, also, however, for example, and in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. In body 2, your point changes from not enough budget to helping only some people. Connect these ideas more clearly.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and again in the end.
task response
You use examples from real life, such as your country and Uzbekistan, to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You often use linking words like however, for example, and to sum up.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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