IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

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Music, art and drama are
subjects
Use synonyms
 that most schools might treat as secondary,
prioritizing
Change the spelling
prioritising
show examples
 science or math.
While
Linking Words
 it is true that STEM is a major part of a student's academic journey, some would argue that art plays a
signicant
Correct your spelling
significant
 role in an individual's life no less. I firmly stand with
this
Linking Words
 view. Balancing a tense school routine with classes that encourage creativity can
lowers
Wrong verb form
lower
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 stress, and
gives
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give
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 students a chance
actually to
Correct word order
to actually
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 discover their passions. If
subjects
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 like fine arts or music history are only introduced later in
life
Punctuation problem
life,
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 a number of potential stars or artists wouldn't even find their
ways
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way
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 into the respective fields in the first place. When children are introduced to
such
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subjects
Use synonyms
 early in school, they are far more likely to learn what they enjoy pouring their time in to perfect and
pursuit
Replace the word
pursuing
 later.
Moreover
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, after years of exposure,
this
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 can
fosters
Wrong verb form
foster
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 transferable creativity and skills resulting in adaptability in various fields. The thought process behind arranging melodies, mixing the right palette or conveying a character
while
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 different in their mediums all
involves
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involve
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 exploring one's mind, searching for a feeling that speaks to them.
Consequently
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, if they were to try their hand at a new form of
arts
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arts,
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 they can approach it with their views, often unique from their contemporaries. We can take the polymath of the
renaissaince
Correct your spelling
Renaissance
 as an example.
Leocardo
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Leonardo
 DaVinci, often
creditted
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credited
 for his amazing work on the famous "Mona Lisa"
painting
Punctuation problem
painting,
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 was actually multi-talented, having
design
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designed
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 countless contraptions and city
defenses
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defences
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.
To conclude
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, music, art and drama are most definitely as significant as other school
subjects
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 because they allow children to develop creativity and discover their passions early.

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coherence cohesion
Make your main idea more direct in each body part. Start each part with one clear point, then explain it in a simple way.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Some ideas connect well, but a few lines are hard to follow because of grammar and word form errors.
task achievement
Add one more clear example about young children in school. This will make your answer feel more full and strong.
task achievement
Explain your second main point more clearly. The idea about creative skill is good, but some sentences are too hard to understand.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion from the start and keep it to the end.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending.
task achievement
The example of Leonardo da Vinci is relevant and supports your view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
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