IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the disadvantages of this outweigh the advantages

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Nowadays, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is becoming more affordable and increasingly accessible in many countries.
Although
Linking Words
 there are a few positives associated with
this
Linking Words
 tendency,
l
Correct your spelling
I
 feel that the possible negatives would be far more considerable. One of the main positives of becoming
reasonable
Correct article usage
a reasonable
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 is that it helps to save time. To put it simply, some people have
hectic
Correct article usage
a hectic
show examples
 lifestyle
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as work or study
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 they do not spend their time on cooking at home.
Thus
Linking Words
, ordering fast
food
Use synonyms
 online can enable them avoiding waste time. Another possible benefit would be affordible some people. To illustrate,
low income
Correct your spelling
low-income
 families and young
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 could buy meals at a
cheaper
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 price.
In other words
Linking Words
 , it might
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
create job opportunities.
For example
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 , fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants employ delivery
drives
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drivers
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, cooks ,
cashiers
Correct word choice
and cashiers
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.
As a result
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,
this
Linking Words
 can reduce
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
 rate and support the economy. Compared to
above discussed
Correct determiner usage
the above-discussed
show examples
 advantages ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 there seem to be more drawbacks. One main
negatives
Fix the agreement mistake
negative
show examples
 is that it might
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause health problems. What
l
Correct your spelling
I
 mean by
this
Linking Words
 is that it often
containes
Correct your spelling
contains
 high in sugar , salt and fat.
This
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 can result in some
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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 like obesity , heart disease, high blood pressure and diabetes. A second
drowback
Correct your spelling
drawback
 would be
environment
Replace the word
environmental
 impact. To clarify, junk
good
Check wording
food
show examples
 restaurants mainly use the amount of disposable packaging.
Therefore
Linking Words
 ,
this
Linking Words
 could
bring
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
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plastic
Change preposition
in plastic
show examples
 waste and contamination. In
summarize
Replace the word
summary
, the advantages of
risingly
Rephrase
increasingly
show examples
 available fast
food
Use synonyms
 would appear less significant than the potential disadvantages for countries.

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task response
Answer the question more directly. Say clearly that the bad points are stronger than the good points, and keep this clear in all body parts.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain how and why fast food affects health and the environment with one more clear step.
task response
Use examples that are more clear and more exact. Your job example is useful, but it needs a fuller link to the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences more clear. Start each body part with one main idea that matches your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple clear words like first, also, however, because, and as a result. Some links now are not used well.
coherence and cohesion
Check paragraph flow. Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and grammar mistakes.
task response
You give a clear opinion in the introduction and conclusion.
task response
You discuss both good and bad sides, so you answer all parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a basic paragraph plan: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words such as however, thus, for example, and as a result.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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