IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People can face serious social and practical problems while living in a country where they have to use a foreign language. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Living abroad could bring serious social and practical challenges where
individuals
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 have to use foreign languages. I am convinced that
this
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 is true, and I will share the reasons in support of
this
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.
Individuals
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 could find it difficult to adjust
where
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when
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 most of the
neighbors
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neighbours
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 speak their own native
language
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.
This
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 is because they would not be able to speak or understand the
language
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 spoken in a foreign accent. When
individuals
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 are not able to articulate the right meaning
while
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 communicating, they
response
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respond
 in the wrong manner
and
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, which
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 sometimes leads to
dispute
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disputes
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, spoiling the relationship.
As a result
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, they would not be able to adjust
in
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to
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 society.
For example
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, if a native neighbor speaks something humorous, it may hurt foreigners, which could lead to
clash
Correct article usage
a clash
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.
Consequently
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, learning a foreign
language
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 plays an important role in adjustment in different country.
Furthermore
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, a foreign
language
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 plays an important role
to secure
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in securing
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 a better future in any country. Having proficiency to native
language
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,
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apply
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 leads to better
job
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jobs
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. As
individuals
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 have good jobs, they would be able to pay rent and afford
the
Correct article usage
a
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 good lifestyle. The higher the income, the more is the purchasing power.
For example
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, a friend of mine who was able to speak French at advance level
,
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apply
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 secured a job where bilingual
language
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 was required.
This
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 helped him to adjust in Quebec within 1 year with his Family. Ultimately, having a good command on foreign
language
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,
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apply
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 increases employment
opportunity
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opportunities
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 and reduces unemployment.
To conclude
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, A good command on foreign
language
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 not only reduces the issue to adjust well in
nearby
Correct article usage
a nearby
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 society, but it
also
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mitigate
Correct subject-verb agreement
mitigates
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 the problem to secure good job.
This
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make
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makes
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 me
firm
Correct article usage
a firm
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 believer
to believe
Change preposition
in
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 the importance of any foreign
language
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 on foreign land.

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overall score
Estimated score: 5. Your main ideas are clear, but some ideas are not fully explained, and there are many word and grammar problems that can make the meaning less clear.
task response
Answer the question more directly. The question is about problems caused by using a foreign language. In body 2, focus first on the problem: people may not get good jobs because they cannot speak the local language. Then explain the result.
task response
Develop each point more. For social problems, explain how poor language skills can cause loneliness, wrong ideas, or trouble with neighbors. For practical problems, add daily issues such as talking to a doctor, using public services, renting a home, or reading forms.
task response
Your Quebec example is useful, but it mostly shows success after learning French. Add a sentence about what may happen before a person learns the language.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each body part. Paragraph 1 should be only about social problems. Paragraph 2 should be only about practical problems, such as work, housing, health, and daily needs.
coherence and cohesion
Some links do not fit the meaning. For example, “Consequently, learning a foreign language...” moves away from the problem too fast. First finish the problem and its result; then give a short answer or solution.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences. For example: “First, not speaking the local language can make social life hard.” Then: “Second, it can cause serious problems in daily life and at work.”
language note
Check some key forms: use “respond” not “response”; “an advanced level” not “advance level”; “a better job” not “better job”; “a good command of a foreign language” not “on”; and “This makes me a firm believer” not “This make me firm believer.”
task response
You give a clear view: you agree with the statement. You also give two main ideas: social life and work.
task response
You use examples, such as the neighbor joke and your friend in Quebec. This helps make your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Furthermore”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “To conclude”.
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