One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantage of this development outweighs the disadvantages?

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Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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people
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go on to live a much longer
life
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due to
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the improvement in medical care
,
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. While
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while
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there are
advantages
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and
disadvantages
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to
this
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, I believe that the
advantages
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don't outweigh the
disadvantages
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,
due to
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the policies set forward and the scale of improvement in medical care compared to the growth in other areas
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such
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, such
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as quality of
life
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, food, etc. The main
disadvantages
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of
people
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having a longer
life
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expectancy
is
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are
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that
,
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apply
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the economic burden of taking care of these individuals by various economic policies is directly falling onto the younger population,
due to
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people
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exiting the workforce early
even
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, even
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though they go on to lead a longer
life
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.
Not to mention
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that other areas that should improve in order to support
this
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longevity
like
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, like
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food, infrastructure,
housing
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and housing
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,
has
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have
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not grown at the same pace, making
people
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who live longer lead a miserable
life
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.
Whereas
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,
advantages
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include higher productivity of the
overall
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economy,
that is
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more
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, more
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people
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contributing to the economy, the emotional connection among families, and
also
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, rapid growth in medical research itself. Even though
,
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apply
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the
advantages
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are much more valuable, given the impact on
economy
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the economy
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and emotions, being practical about it makes it overshadowed by the
disadvantages
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.

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer is on the topic, but the main ideas need more detail. Explain how each bad point affects people, and why it is more important than each good point.
task response
Add real or clear examples. For example, say that if more old people stop work, fewer young workers may have to pay more tax for health care and pensions.
task response
Your last paragraph is not fully clear. You say the good points are “much more valuable”, but you also say the bad points are greater. Make this view clear and keep it the same from start to end.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The order is easy to follow, but some sentences are too long and hold many ideas. Use shorter sentences: one main idea, then one reason or example.
coherence and cohesion
Give each body paragraph one main point. For example, paragraph 2 can be only about money and work; paragraph 3 can be only about health, family, and longer lives.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links more clearly: “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “As a result”. Do not start too many sentences with long link words.
coherence and cohesion
Support the good points as well. “Higher productivity” is not clear if people leave work early. Say why more people living longer would raise work or output, or choose a stronger good point.
task response
You give a clear view: you think the bad points are greater than the good points.
task response
You name both sides, such as money costs, family links, and more medical work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, a paragraph on bad points, a paragraph on good points, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Whereas” and “Even though” show a try to link ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • dependency ratio
  • healthcare costs
  • working-age population
  • financial stability
  • medical research
  • age-related diseases
  • generational bonds
  • social services
  • pensions
  • elderly care
  • consumer market
  • ethical considerations
  • prolonged life
  • burden on healthcare systems
  • wisdom and experience
  • retirement periods
  • family bonds
  • industries targeting elderly
  • improved medical care
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