IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many countries believe that international tourism has harmful effects. Why do they think so? What can be done to change their views?

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Nowadays, with the advances of modern technology, touring around the globe has become increasingly popular and convenient. Many people argue that cross-country
tourism
Use synonyms
 brings more negative consequences to our society. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reason behind
such
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 a saying and raise some proposals to possibly alter
this
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 point of view. When it comes to the reasons why people may view international traveling causing more harm, I think environmental side effects are the major contributor. Many people in our society, especially environmentalists, argue that because of the development of cross-country
tourism
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, many natural resorts have been seriously polluted in recent years. They say that since the habitats have been exploited for the
tourism
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 industry, many wildlife animals are facing the threat of extinction.
Therefore
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, the most common reason for
this
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 view is mainly
because
Change preposition
due to
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 the concerns .
Nevertheless
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,
such
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 issues can be effectively mitigated by taking some measures. For one thing, local governments can enact laws to regulate the behaviour of the
outcomers
Correct your spelling
newcomers
.
For example
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, tourists should strictly obey the law of sorting the rubbish into different dustbins
while
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 they traveling a particular place. Alternatively, for those who are getting close to the ocean for touring, throwing plastic bags into the ocean can be viewed as a violation of the local law.
Furthermore
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, tourists can
also
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 be well educated about the importance of being a green traveller.
For instance
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, they can be required to read and study simple environmental rules about touring in the local area
while
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 they are filling in the entry form to the country. In
this
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 way, the pollution during the touring process can be effectively controlled.
Consequently
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, by taking these actions,
such
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 concerns can be tackled effectively. In conclusion, even though the pollution of the environment can be a potential threat that international
tourism
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 can bring about, as long as we take the initiative, the issues can be transformed into opportunities.

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task response
Score: 6. Your answer is clear, but it is not full enough. The question asks why many countries think tourism is harmful. You mainly write about pollution. Add one more reason, such as too many visitors, damage to local life, or higher home prices.
task response
Make the second part more direct. The question asks how to change their views. Say that strong rules, visitor limits, and clean travel plans can show that tourism can bring good things as well as harm.
task response
Some examples are too general. Give a more real and clear example, such as a beach town that limits the number of people each day and uses the money from tickets to clean the beach.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. The order is easy to follow, but some ideas are repeated. You say that the issues can be “effectively” dealt with more than once. Say the point once, then add detail.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are not complete or clear. For example, “the most common reason for this view is mainly because the concerns” does not finish the idea. Write: “This is why many people worry about international tourism.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. You use “cross-country tourism”, “international traveling”, and “touring”. It is clearer to use “international tourism” most of the time.
coherence and cohesion
End with a direct final answer. Instead of saying problems can become opportunities, say that rules and education can reduce harm and help countries see tourism in a better way.
task response
You answer both parts of the question: why tourism is seen as harmful, and what can be done.
task response
Your main idea is clear: travel can harm nature, and rules and teaching can help.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “Nevertheless”, “For example”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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