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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Information technology is changing many aspects of our lives and now dominates our home ,leisure and work activities. To what extent do the benefits of information technology outweight the disadvantages?

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Nowdays
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, information
technology
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 has transformed our
lifes completey
Correct your spelling
lives completely
 in many sectors
like
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, like
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 in business, farming, education and in
construction
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the construction
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 industries
with
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, with
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 its valuable
suggestion
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suggestions
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. In
leisure
Correct determiner usage
their leisure
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 time, children can watch
tv programas
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TV programs
 with their friends and families.
While
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 there is a
clearly
Replace the word
clear
 drawback to
this
Linking Words
,
but i
Correct word choice
I
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 personally believe that
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 are more significant. There are many advantages of
technology
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 in our daily routine.
Firstly
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, with the help of digital
devices
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devices,
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 we can contact each other across the globe instantly. Business can
do
Verb problem
hold
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 their meetings with their
counter parts
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counterparts
 despite travelling to other countries.
However
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, with the ease of
technology
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, students can learn and
access
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have access
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 to
unprecedented
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an unprecedented
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 amount of information on various websites.
In addition
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 to that,
technology
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 offers work life balnce in
day to day
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day-to-day
 operations. In
construction
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the construction
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 industry,
architectures
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architects
 use
technology
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 to design maps of the tallest buildings.
Moreover
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, businesses can increase their efficiency and productivity with the help of
technology
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.
On the other hand
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, there are some drawbacks of
technology
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 which must be worth considering.
Techonolgy
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Technology
 improves our operations
but
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, but
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 sometimes it poses risks to our privacy. Businesses can
victims
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be victims
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 of cyberattacks by their competitors.
As a result
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, they can lose access to their
softwares
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software
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 and to secret information.
Furthermore
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, too much dependence on digital tools can reduce critical thinking.
As a result
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,
error
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errors
show examples
 in
softwares
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software
show examples
 can
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
 your work because we become used to
technology
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, excessive use of digital devices can lead to health problems and
islotation
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isolation
.
To sum up
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,
advantages
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the advantages
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 are more significant than
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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. I am of the view that
technology
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ehnace
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enhances
 our business productivity and
efficieny
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efficiency
.

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task response
Score: 5. Your answer is on topic and your view is clear. However, some points need more detail. For example, explain how online learning helps students, or give one real example of a business meeting online.
task response
Make the answer more complete by comparing the two sides more directly. Show why each bad point is less serious than the good points. For example, say that strong passwords and safety checks can lower privacy risks.
task response
Some ideas are too general. Do not only say technology helps work; explain that it can save time, cut travel, and help people do more work in less time.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. The order is easy to follow, but some sentences do not link well. Use clear links to show cause and result, such as “because”, “so”, “therefore”, and “this means that”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. In the first body part, you move from contact to study, work-life balance, building design, and business. Split or group these ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending is very short. Restate your main reasons: IT saves time, helps work and study, and its risks can be controlled.
task response
You give a clear view: the good sides of IT are greater than the bad sides.
task response
You include both sides, such as work, study, privacy, health, and being alone.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Firstly”, “On the other hand”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dominates
  • instant communication
  • unprecedented access
  • automation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • flexibility
  • cybersecurity threats
  • privacy concerns
  • critical thinking
  • social isolation
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