IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, traditional food is being replaced by international fast food. This trend has negative effects on both society and family. Do you agree or disagree?

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I disagree on the fact that traditional
food
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 being replaced with international fast
food
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 will have any negative
affects, in
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effects. In
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 my
opinion
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opinion,
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 I think that having that will open the society up to new cultures of different types of
food
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. I think that
food
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 is a door that will introduce people to
new
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a new
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 world of
flavors
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flavours
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 from around the world .

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task response
Score: 4. The answer is far too short. You need to talk about both society and family, as the question asks. Give at least two main reasons and add clear examples. Also explain why fast food will not cause harm.
task response
Your idea about new food and new cultures is good, but it needs more support. For example, say how a family may try food from another country at home and learn about its people.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 4. Use a clear plan: start with your view, write one part about society, write one part about family, and end with a short final view.
coherence and cohesion
Make your sentences shorter. Use simple links such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', and 'In the end'. This will make the essay easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
There is no ending. Add a last sentence that clearly says you disagree because trying food from other countries can bring people and families closer.
task response
You give a clear view: you disagree. Your main point is that fast food can help people learn about food from other places.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas stay on one main point, so the reader can understand your view.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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