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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time.

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The bar graph illustrates the count of men and women in tertiary learning in the
of Great Britain
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United Kingdom
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 in three different periods, and whether they were studying part-
time
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 or full-
time
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 sessions from 1970/71 to 1990/91.
Overall
Linking Words
, the female group showed the highest figure of population part -
time
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 studying in the recorded period.
Although
Linking Words
 they represented the majority in part-
time
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 learning, women displayed the lowest proportion of
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 doing full-
time
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further
Linking Words
education
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the male group represented the highest sample involved in full-
time
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 tertiary courses. Over the recorded period, the number of women receiving part-
time
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education
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 rose steadily, until reaching a peak of nearly 1100
thousand
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 in 1991.
However
Linking Words
, despite their significant increase on number of
people
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 doing
full
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full-time
time
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 tertiary
education
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, they represented a significantly lower proportion in
full
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full-time
time
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further
Linking Words
 courses, accounting
just
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for just
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 below 300
thousand
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people
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 in 1990/91.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of
people
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 in the male group doing part -
time
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, fluctuated over the years, registering 1000
thousand
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 in 1970/71, fell to nearly 850
thousand
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 in 1980/81 and jumped to just below 900
in
Check wording
thousand in
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 1990/91.
Conversely
Linking Words
, they represented the highest amount of
people
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 doing full
time
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 tertiaty
education
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, reaching nearly 300
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 1990/91.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, education, thousand, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "represented" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just below" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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