IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

The carts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, an average, at one university in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The charts below present information regarding the average distribution of students’
expenditure
Use synonyms
 at one university in 2000 and 2010. There are a few types of
expenditure
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 that remained
on
Change preposition
at
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 exactly the same
percentage
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 in both years
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as Holidays – 5%, Food and drink (home) – 29%,
Sports
Correct word choice
and Sports
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 and cultural – 17%.
Then
Linking Words
, there is Transport
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 rose just
with
Change preposition
by
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 1
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, being 8% in 2000 and 9% in 2010.
However
Linking Words
, there are quite significant changes in the proportion of
expenditure
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 by students in other categories. A noticeable change is the proportion in spending on Clothing, in 2000 it was 16% and ten years later accounted
considerably
Change preposition
for considerably
show examples
lower
Rephrase
less
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, making it 5%.
Next,
Linking Words
over a decade, the Eating out category
percentage
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 increased gradually from 4% to 8%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, an area that
also
Linking Words
 saw a growth in
percentage
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 of
expenditure
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 is Utilities (electricity/water). Compared to 2000
was
Correct word choice
, when it was
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 21%, in 2010
rose
Correct pronoun usage
it rose
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 sharply and was 27%.
Overall
Linking Words
, there were
not
Rephrase
no
show examples
 changes in some proportions as they remained the same. On
contrary
Correct article usage
the contrary
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, other significant changes indicated that the
percentage
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 was either higher or lower in some
expenditure
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 areas.

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task response
Score: 6. Add a stronger overall view. Say that food and drink at home was the biggest part in both years, while clothing had the biggest fall and utilities had the biggest rise.
task response
Group key points more clearly. For example, put all areas with no change together, then compare the largest rises and falls.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 6. Use shorter, full sentences. Some sentences are hard to read, for example: 'Compared to 2000 was 21%, in 2010 rose sharply and was 27%.' Write: 'Utilities rose from 21% in 2000 to 27% in 2010.'
coherence and cohesion
Do not use too many link words at the start of each sentence, such as 'Then', 'Next', and 'Furthermore'. Use clear paragraph order instead.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. Instead of saying there were changes, state the most important changes again.
task response
You report all the main groups and give the right numbers for both years.
task response
You make clear comparisons, such as clothing going down from 16% to 5% and utilities going up from 21% to 27%.
coherence and cohesion
Your answer has a clear start, body parts, and an overall ending.
coherence and cohesion
The order is easy to follow: no change first, then changes, then an overall view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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