IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The carts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, an average, at one university in 2000 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The charts below present information regarding the average distribution of students’ consumption at one university in 2000 and 2010.
Body paragraph 1
There are a few types of consumption that remained at exactly the same
percentage
Use synonyms
 in both years,
such
Linking Words
 as Holidays – 5%, Food and drink (home) – 29%, and Sports and culture – 17%.
Then
Linking Words
 there is Transport, which rose by just 1
percentage
Use synonyms
 point, from 8% in 2000 to 9% in 2010.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, there are significant changes in the proportion of students' expenditure across other categories. A noticeable change is the proportion of spending on Clothing; in
2000
Punctuation problem
2000,
show examples
 it was 16%, and ten years later it accounted for considerably less, at 5%.
Next,
Linking Words
over a decade, the Eating out category
percentage
Use synonyms
 increased gradually from 4% to 8%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, an area that
also
Linking Words
 saw a growth in the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of expenditure is Utilities (electricity/water). Compared to 2000, when it was 21%, it rose sharply in 2010 and was 27%.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, some proportions remained unchanged.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, other significant changes indicated that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 was either higher or lower in some expenditure areas.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Score: 7. Add a clearer main idea in the first or last part. For example, say that Food and drink at home was the biggest part in both years, while Clothing fell the most.
task response
Make all key comparisons clear. In 2010, Food and drink at home was still the biggest part at 29%, just above Utilities at 27%.
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Group ideas more clearly. Put all parts that did not change in one group, then put rises in one group and falls in one group.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not needed or are not the best choice. 'On the contrary' does not fit well here. Use 'In contrast' when you show two different changes.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter, more direct sentences. For example: 'Utilities rose sharply from 21% to 27%.' This is clearer than a longer sentence with the same meaning.
task response
You report the main changes and give numbers for each part.
task response
You compare the two years well, for example Clothing fell from 16% to 5%, while Utilities rose from 21% to 27%.
coherence and cohesion
Your answer has a clear start, main body, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as However, Furthermore, and Overall help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: