IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe technology has made our life too complex and the solution is to lead a simpler life without technology. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Anything
that is
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 strange or outside of the knowledge of a person is always rejected
,
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.
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 I believe that the more you learn about something
the
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, the
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 more you know how to
use
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 it
in
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to
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 your benefit, Before we ask that quistion we need understand the age range of the
people
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 assuming that
technology
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 made our
life
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 more complex, usually older
people
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 don't know how to
use
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technology
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therefore
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 they give up on it and resist it
instead
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 of concur it, and I understand it's hard for them and different from what they grew up doing, 
however
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this
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 can be solved easily by giving older
people
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 simple trainings on how to
use
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 new and current
technology
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 or create online courses or even in person for the
people
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 who don't know how to go online.
if
Capitalize the word
If
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 you ask the new
generation
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generation,
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 you will know that they
use
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 it in their
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day to
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day-to-day
day
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life
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and
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, and
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 it has helped many to understand different aspects of
life
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 weather it's helping them with studying
like
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, like
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chat GBT
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ChatGPT
or
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, or
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 asking simple questions that you don't have answers
to
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to,
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 like
google
Capitalize the proper name
Google
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.
Technology
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also
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 helped countries to understand
the
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apply
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outer space by launching discovery rockets and
send
Wrong verb form
sending
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 discovery submarines to the deepest darkest area of the ocean
, it
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. It
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also
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 helped in connecting different sides of the world in one
app, nowadays
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app. Nowadays,
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 we can call our loved ones abroad and see their faces
compared
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, compared
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 to the olden
days
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days,
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 where we
have
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had
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 to wait a month or
to
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apply
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just to read a
litter
Use the right word
letter
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 from them.
Yes
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Yes,
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life
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 will be simpler with no
technology
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 if we go back to the olden
days
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days,
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 where we only plant our produce and cook on the fire and be isolated from the bigger world
but
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, but
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 I believe we will as
nation
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a nation
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 lose a lot of benefits
, why
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. Why
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 would you want to go backwards with knowledge and not forward? In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 I firmly disagree with the fact that
technology
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 has made our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 too complex
, once
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. Once
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 you try to understand
it
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it,
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 you will love it and
use
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 it in your
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day to
Correct your spelling
day-to-day
day
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life
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and
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, and
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 you will see that it's a tool
to
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for
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 a better and brighter future.

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task response
Overall score: 6. You answer the question and give a clear opinion. To get a higher score, talk more about the other side. Say why some people feel technology makes life hard, for example too many apps, too much time on phones, or online safety. Then explain why you still disagree.
task response
Your first line is not a strong opening for this question. Start with a direct answer, such as: “I disagree that we should live without technology, because it makes many parts of life easier.”
task response
Some points are very wide, like space and the deep sea. They are good, but explain more clearly how they make daily life better for people.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one main point. For example: body 1 on older people; body 2 on daily life and study; body 3 on travel, work, and family contact.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “First”, “For example”, “As a result”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are too long and hold many ideas. Use shorter lines. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with word form and spelling because they can make links less clear. For example: “question”, “conquer”, “whether”, “ChatGPT”, “a letter”, and “a month or two”.
task response
You give a clear view: you disagree. Your main idea stays the same from start to end.
task response
You use good examples, such as help for older people, study tools, calls with family abroad, space, and the sea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, main body parts, and a clear ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “however”, “also”, “yes”, and “in conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • complexity
  • simplicity
  • disconnection
  • mental health
  • personal relationships
  • efficiency
  • enhance
  • overwhelming
  • access to information
  • balance
  • harmony
  • daily tasks
  • education
  • essential services
  • counterarguments
  • rejecting technology
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