IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more and more tourists are visiting places where conditions are difficult, such as the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. What are the benefits and disadvantages for tourists who visit such places? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
A modern tourist tends to spend vacations
not-typically
Punctuation problem
not typically
show examples
. Places with extraordinary nature, unusual weather conditions and even high crime activity are in demand. A person who
decided
Wrong verb form
decides
show examples
 to choose that kind of adventure usually faces a list of advantages and disadvantages during the trip.  On the one hand,
such
Linking Words
 experiences prove to visitors that they are capable of overcoming difficulties, which could significantly increase one’s confidence.
For instance
Linking Words
, some psychologists advise their patients who lack confidence to complete a
pilgrim’s path
Check wording
pilgrimage
show examples
 between Spain and Portugal. One of the paths is a 300km road with picturesque views along the ocean. Pilgrims usually walk around 30km per day, despite the fatigue and starvation. Completing
such
Linking Words
journey
Correct article usage
a journey
show examples
 promises to be tremendously rewarding. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
, potential visitors often underestimate the danger behind the adventure, which could lead to traumatic or even lethal circumstances.
For example
Linking Words
, the destiny of
extremals
Check wording
extreme climbers
show examples
, who decide to climb the Everest without
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appropriate preparation and equipment, is terribly unpleasant. Another vivid case was in Mexico when a tourist decided to explore a wild beach on their own at night and was eaten by an alligator, because he could not see the captions “danger’’ and “stop’’.  In conclusion, there are some upsides and downsides of unusual travelling. The key to
enjoy
Wrong verb form
enjoying
show examples
 its benefits is to be conscious,
complete a
Verb problem
conduct
show examples
 research and prepare yourself for the worst scenario in advance.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
Score: 7. Your answer is on topic and gives clear ideas. To make it stronger, talk more directly about benefits for tourists, such as seeing rare places, learning about nature, and having a life-changing trip. The first example is good, but it is more about a long walk than a place with very hard conditions.
Task response
Be careful with very strong examples, such as death. They can work, but they need to sound real and clear. A safer example is that a person may get lost, sick, or hurt in the desert or Antarctica if they do not plan well.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. The order is easy to understand. However, some links between ideas can be smoother. For example, explain why hard weather or wild places make the trip more dangerous before giving the Everest example.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep the same focus in each paragraph. The first body paragraph starts with confidence, then moves to a pilgrim walk. Add one sentence to clearly connect this walk to difficult travel conditions.
Coherence and cohesion
Your last paragraph gives useful advice, but it should first clearly sum up both sides. For example: “In short, these trips can be exciting and help people grow, but they can also be unsafe.” Then add your advice about planning.
Task response
You answer both parts of the question: the good and bad sides of hard travel. Your main ideas are clear, and you give examples for each side.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. The words “On the one hand” and “On the other hand” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • breathtaking landscapes
  • unique ecosystems
  • sense of adventure
  • personal growth
  • indigenous cultures
  • environmental conservation
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • economically disadvantaged areas
  • physical health
  • harsh weather
  • difficult terrain
  • limited access to medical facilities
  • fragile ecosystems
  • habitat destruction
  • basic amenities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: