In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In our society, some countries around the world have noticed that there has been a rise in the number of advertisements which influenced youngsters to promote snacks, toys and other goods.
However
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, guardians say that
such
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ads
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are unfair. In
this
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essay, I will be discussing both views, and I will state my opinion.
To begin
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with my essay, some people who work in marketing ought to make different types of advertisements in order to attract customers to start buying their products, because if business workers did not make any
ads
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for their goods, no one would know about the things they sale and
this
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might lead to a drop in the percentage of sales, and
this
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will cause them to lose money. A very good example worth mentioning is when my nephew got a Spiderman toy in an ad on
the
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apply
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TV, he
then
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started to order from the website almost every month.
On the other hand
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, some parents believe that
such
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ads
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are unfair to kids and might cause a negative impact on youngsters because most of the snacks and toys that are being published on TV or on social media are expensive.
However
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, since there are family that have low incomes,
such
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advertisements would impact their children's emotions
due to
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the low chance of being able to buy it. Not only would the low-income families be affected, but
also
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people who live in a different country.
For instance
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, when I was in Ireland, I could not buy any product from Jordan
due to
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the long distance between the two countries. In my opinion, I think that
ads
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are an extremely crucial thing to enhance the
productivty
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productivity
of income in stores. On balance,
ads
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in general can make a significant impact on society in both enhancing their lives
or
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and
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the other way around. Since
ads
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are everywhere in our society today.

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task response
Overall score: 5. Your ideas answer the question, but they need more depth. Explain more clearly why ads aimed at children are unfair. For example, children may not know that ads try to make them want things, and they may ask parents again and again.
task response
Your first main point is mostly about why shops need ads. Make it more about ads for children. Say why firms choose children, such as children can ask their parents to buy the food or toy.
task response
Your example about your nephew is linked to the topic, but it needs a clear result. Explain that he saw the ad, wanted the toy, and then asked for or bought more things.
task response
The point about people living in another country does not fit well. The issue is not distance; it is that ads can make children want things that their parents cannot pay for. Use an example about a child asking for an expensive snack or toy.
task response
Your own view is too short. Give a balanced view: ads can help shops, but there should be rules to protect children. Then explain one reason for this view.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part start with a direct main idea. For example: “Ads for children can help firms sell more goods.” Then add an explanation and one example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and hold many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use links only when they show a clear relation. “To begin with my essay” is not natural. Use “On the one hand” for the first view and “On the other hand” for the second view.
coherence and cohesion
Your last part repeats that ads have both good and bad effects, but it does not clearly restate your view. End with one clear answer, such as: “I believe ads for children should be limited because children are easy to influence.”
task response
You discuss both sides: why ads help shops sell goods, and why parents feel ads can hurt children.
task response
You give your view clearly: ads are important for stores.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear links such as “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “On balance”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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