IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

You recently organized a party for your company at a hotel. Write a letter to the hotel manager. In your letter. – describe the party and how it went -explain why you were pleased with the hotel service. -suggest some improvements that the hotel could make

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing
this
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 letter to appreciate your excellent services on our company’s foundation day
last
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 week with our team of 50 people.
Firstly
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, thank you for arranging a celebration cake for us, though it was not a part of our agreement. Our team enjoyed the cake-cutting ceremony very well and the cake was
also
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 delicious.
Also
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, it is worth mentioning that the quality of food was great, especially the snacks , which were available to eat all the time during the celebration. Thank you to all hotel staff members for their kind and fast
services
Check wording
service
show examples
.
However
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, I would like to suggest that you upgrade the music system. The speaker's sound quality was not good.
Moreover
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, it was not accepting the Bluetooth connectivity. A few of my colleagues were willing to play their own songs, which was not feasible
due to
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 the speaker's compatibility with modern Bluetooth-enabled devices and phones. Please replace the speakers with better sound quality and Bluetooth-enabled features. Thank you once again for supporting us in celebrating
this
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 special day with my team. I look forward to connecting with you to arrange more events in future. Yours faithfully, Daljeet Singh

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task response
Score: 7. Give a little more detail about the party. For example, say where it was held, how long it was, or what the team did.
task response
Say more clearly why the good service made the party better. For example: “The fast service meant that no one had to wait for food.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 7. Keep one main point in each paragraph. Put all good points about food and staff in one paragraph, and all points about the music system in the next.
coherence and cohesion
Make this idea shorter and clearer: “which was not feasible due to the speaker's compatibility...” You can write: “They could not play them because the speakers did not have Bluetooth.”
coherence and cohesion
Use “our team” at the end, not “my team”, so the point of view stays the same.
task response
You cover all three parts: the party, the good service, and ideas for change.
task response
Your tone is polite and right for a letter to a hotel manager.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear start, main part, and end.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Also”, “However”, and “Moreover” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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