IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Promotions to higher level should be from within company and not to a new person from outside. Do you agree or disagree?

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Promoting to an executive level should be chosen within a company rather than bringing a new candidate from outside.
This
Linking Words
 essay completely agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement because it will lead to an increase in
mutual
Correct article usage
the mutual
show examples
 relationship between an employer and an employee and
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in
employee’s
Correct article usage
the employee’s
show examples
 work efficiency. In conclusion, companies should choose a working staff member for promotion
instead
Linking Words
 of hiring a new worker because not only will it strengthen the trust employees gave to their CEOs, but
also
Linking Words
maximize
Change the spelling
maximise
show examples
 the staff member’s work efficiency.

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task response
Score: 4. This is far too short for an IELTS Task 2 essay. You need at least 250 words. Write two full body paragraphs, with one main reason in each.
task response
Explain each reason more. For example, say why a worker who already knows the company can do the new job better than a new person.
task response
Add clear examples. You could write about a team leader who knows the staff, the work, and the company rules.
task response
Your first reason is not fully clear. “Increase in mutual relationship” is not natural here. Say: “It can build trust between workers and the company.”
coherence and cohesion
Score: 4. The essay has only an opening and an ending. It needs body paragraphs to show a clear order of ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple paragraph order: introduction, reason 1 with an example, reason 2 with an example, conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same ideas in the conclusion without first developing them in the body.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words: “First”, “For example”, “Also”, “However”, and “Therefore”.
task response
Your view is very clear: you agree that companies should promote people from inside.
task response
You give two main reasons: better trust and better work.
coherence and cohesion
You have an introduction and a conclusion, and both match your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “because” and “but also” help link your ideas.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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