Obesity is a serious problen in many countries, especially in such countries discuss ways to solve the problems. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer

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Nowadays, lifestyle is
more
Rephrase
apply
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easier than before,
as a result
Linking Words
,
obesity
Use synonyms
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
a serious problem in many
countries
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
wich obesitey spreated in, and
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
to solve
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
problems. On one hand, modern life in wealthy
countries
Use synonyms
is
entresting
Correct your spelling
interesting
and comfortable.
On the other hand
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
tipe
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type
of life causes
multiples
Replace the word
multiple
problems
such
Linking Words
as
obesity
Use synonyms
. Technology and
desck jops
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desk jobs
reduce people moving.
For example
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,
engeners
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engineers
can work online without going to the field.
As a result
Linking Words
,
obesity
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increas
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increases
among
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
modern
countries
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.
In addition
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, hot weather
countries
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
force the
communety
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community
to use
condeshener
Correct your spelling
condenser
transport. Indeed, no one can walk or do sports under burning sun or hot weather.
However
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, their is serval solotions can be
conceder
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considered
.
First,
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employee who works in
deckjobs
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deck jobs
should take
times
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time
show examples
to walk every 20
minute
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minutes
show examples
. That can help them
bern
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burn
fats.
For example
Linking Words
, doctors usually walk
arroung
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around
big hospitals. To do their exercise
while
Linking Words
their
Use the right word
they're
show examples
on them work.
Secomd
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Second
, bodies in hot weather
countries
Use synonyms
should join
gym
Correct article usage
a gym
show examples
to have special
exircise
Correct your spelling
exercise
hours in a
cindeshener
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convenient
place.
Third,
Linking Words
it should be
awarness compain
Correct your spelling
awareness campaign
in
schols
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schools
and
univesities
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universities
to teach and remind
syudents
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students
about the dangerous behinde
obesity
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
a result, all
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
and ages in
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
can learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy food habits and
lifrstyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
. In conclusion,
obesitey
Correct your spelling
obesity
is not
that
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
big
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
cooporate
Correct subject-verb agreement
cooperates
show examples
together to solve it , and
tv
Capitalize the proper name
TV
show examples
shows with
radeo
Correct your spelling
radio
and
intrenet
Correct your spelling
internet
apps show it as a problem with remarkeble solves.

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Task response
Score: 5. Your main ideas are on the topic, but some points need more detail. Explain more clearly how each idea will reduce obesity. For example, say that walking breaks help workers use more energy each day.
Task response
Use more true and clear examples. The example about doctors walking in hospitals is not strong because they walk as part of work, not mainly to exercise.
Task response
Your first paragraph says the essay will discuss countries where obesity is common, but you do not really discuss this. Focus on the causes and ways to solve the problem.
Coherence and cohesion
Score: 5. Put one main idea in each paragraph. For example: Paragraph 1: desk work and less walking. Paragraph 2: hot weather and less outdoor activity. Paragraph 3: ways to help.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas more clear. Use simple links: “This means…”, “Because of this…”, “One way to help is…”, and “Another way is…”.
Coherence and cohesion
Your end should repeat the main answer in a direct way. Do not add a new idea about TV, radio, and apps only at the end. Put that idea in the body, or leave it out.
Task response
You answer both parts. You show why obesity is a problem and give ways to help.
Task response
You use examples, such as people who work at desks and people in hot countries.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end.
Coherence and cohesion
You use link words such as “On the one hand”, “However”, “First”, and “In conclusion”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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