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Band 4.5

: Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In recent times, university
students
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 are
the
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a
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 major topic in
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people
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people's
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lives
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. Some
people
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 support that pupils need to
study
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 whatever they enjoy.
On the other hand
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, some of them believe that they should
study
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 science and
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technology based
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technology-based
 lectures,
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due to
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because
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 these
subject
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subjects
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 will be useful in the future. In
this
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essay
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essay,
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 we will compare both arguments.
Firstly
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, everybody has a different dream job
and
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, and
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people
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 cannot decide what subjects
students
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 will
study
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about
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apply
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.
Moreover
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, it does not matter what century we are
, we
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in, we
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 need a
varity
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variety
 and every job is equally important. Certainly,
technology
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 will have
a
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an
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 important part of our
lives
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 in the future
but
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apply
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,
it
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but it
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 will not become a human.
Hence
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,
students
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 should choose their own subjects and continue to follow their dreams.
For instance
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, in my university we have a wide-range about taking lectures
and
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, and
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 all
students
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 take any lesson
whatever
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apply
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they like.
On the other hand
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, AI is growing very fast. Even these days, it
took
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plays
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 an important role
of
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in
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 our
lives
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.
Therefore
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,
people
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 are not so wrong to think
like: Some
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that some
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 jobs will be eliminated by AI in the near future.
In nowadays
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Nowadays
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, most of the workers use AI for their general tasks
such
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 as writing an
e-mail
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email
, scheduling their programmes
etc
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, etc
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.
For
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this
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 reason,
might
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many people might
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people
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 say that
students
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 need to
study
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 science and
technology
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 topics
most
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the most
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.
Furthermore
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, individuals can use AI for other things. As an example, I am using it to create
a
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apply
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music. When a person writes some lyrics and chooses what type of music he or she
want
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wants
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 to create, AI can do it in minutes.
Thus
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, humans believe that pupils only need to
study
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technology
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.
To sum up
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,
technology
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probably will
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will probably
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 take an important place in
individuals
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individuals'
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lives
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 very soon. But, it is not a reason that
students
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only should
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should only
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study
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 science and
technology
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 lessons.
People
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also
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 need different types of jobs
and
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, and
show examples
 AI cannot eliminate all of them.
Therefore
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, I
also
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 support that every pupil should choose their own lecture.

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task response
Give a fuller reason for the first view. Explain why choice can help students work harder, do better, and enjoy their future work.
task response
Your ideas about AI are useful, but some points repeat. Add one clear point about why science and technology can help the country, jobs, or new work.
task response
Make your own view stronger near the end: say that students should choose freely, while schools can also help them learn useful future skills.
coherence and cohesion
Make each body part focus on one main idea. The two parts about AI could be put together as one body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not clear. For example, 'Thus, humans believe...' does not follow well from the music example. Say directly how this example supports the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler, clearer topic sentences. For example: 'Supporters of free choice say that students know their own goals best.'
task response
You discuss both views and give your own view clearly: students should be able to choose their subjects.
task response
You use examples about AI, work, and music to explain your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts for each view, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as 'Firstly', 'On the other hand', 'For instance', and 'To sum up'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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