IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people belive that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programs. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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It is increasingly argued that free community service should be an essential part of high school programmes (
for instance
Linking Words
, participating in a charity, enhancing the neighbourhood, or providing sports sessions to children). From my perspective, I firmly agree with
this
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 statement.
Initially
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, giving a child the ability to volunteer for a charity
assists
Verb problem
helps
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 him
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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acquire soft and leadership skills.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 effectively means his confidence will increase significantly because he will deal with a variety of diverse personalities
while
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 volunteering.
In addition
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, improving neighbourhoods will optimise his reputation across his town, which will potentially allow him to receive life-changing opportunities.
For instance
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, an American media platform did an interview with a renowned co-founder of a public real estate company
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
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 journalist asked him how he started his career,
he
Correct word choice
and he
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 said the beginning was impressing the owner of his high school with his performance in optimising a small neighbourhood.
Furthermore
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, teaching sports to students helps them to discover their personal talents and skills in a specific sport.
This
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 is largely because they have been given access to practice
this
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 sport,
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also
Correct word choice
and
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 consistent support from teachers motivates them to continue developing.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they could become famous athletes and earn an appealing salary just because unpaid sports lessons were provided to them. A clear example of
this
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 can be seen in the United Kingdom, a recent study from Oxford University revealed that 70 per cent of professional football players stated that support from their schools contributed heavily to the success they achieved. In conclusion, despite individuals having various points of view, I firmly believe that unpaid social services should be a vital part of high school extracurriculars.

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task response
Estimated score: 6. Your answer is on topic, but it does not fully answer the key word “compulsory”. Explain why all high school students should have to do service, not only why service can be good.
task response
Add one short point about the other side. For example, some students may have jobs, family care, or too much school work. Then say how schools can make the rule fair, such as giving a choice of time and type of work.
task response
Some examples do not strongly prove your main point. The story about a man who got a job after work in a neighbourhood is very long and not very clear. Use a simpler, more direct example.
task response
Your second body part is mostly about free sport lessons for students. This is not clearly community service. Make the link clear: high school students could teach sport to younger children as volunteer work.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. In body 1, you move from charity work, to leadership, to town reputation, to a job story. Choose one or two ideas and explain them more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long, so the meaning is hard to follow. Break them into two short sentences. This will make your writing easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between a claim and an example. For example: “This can help students get work later. For example, ...”
coherence and cohesion
The ending is clear, but it is very close to the start. In the ending, briefly restate your two reasons: skills for work and help for the local area.
task response
You clearly say that you agree in the first part, and you repeat this clear view at the end.
task response
You give two main reasons: service can build skills, and sport work can help young people find skills.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: start, two main body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “Initially”, “Furthermore”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion” to show the order of your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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