IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some organisations believe that their employees should dress smartly. Others value quality of work above appearance. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In
this
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 day and age,
while
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 some companies require their employees to dress appropriately at the office, others believe that the effectiveness of work is more crucial than their employees' appearance. From my point of view, I agree with the latter, and the following essay is going to give some reasons to strengthen my opinion. On the one hand, wearing appropriate clothes
while
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 working helps organisations create an impressive and trustworthy image with their partners and customers.
This
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 is because with suitable clothing, customers and partners will have a good impression of their reliability and responsibility and feel respected.
For example
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, customers, especially those who operate in the government sector, usually prefer collaborating with firms whose staff dress properly to those who choose informal clothes.
On the other hand
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, the main target of business is effectiveness and profitability,
thus
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 they will prioritise performance. Simply put, when employees can choose what to wear, they may feel more comfortable, leading to an improvement in their performance.
For instance
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, in the information technology department, engineers who are responsible for technical jobs tend to wear casual clothes because they may perform best when their clothing is comfortable.
However
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, staff's choice of fashion should conform to the company's regulations. In conclusion, dressing smartly is indeed important for firms;
nevertheless
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, the main objective of organisations should be the ability to create profit. I support the latter because work performance will be the main factor to drive a firm towards its financial goals,
instead
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 of its staff's choice of fashion.

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task response
Overall score: 7. Your answer fully covers the question, but your main view needs more depth. Explain more clearly why work quality should be more important even in jobs where staff meet customers.
task response
The first main part is clear, but the idea that smart clothes show “reliability and responsibility” is too broad. Add a more direct link: neat clothes can help customers feel at ease at a first meeting.
task response
The second main part has a good point about comfort, but it needs one more reason. For example, good work can bring better service, fewer mistakes, and more money for the company.
task response
Your final line says “staff's choice of fashion”, but this is not the key point. The real point is that work results matter more than clothes. Say this more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Your order of ideas is good. To make it stronger, begin each main part with a short clear main idea, then explain it, then give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are not natural. “Thus they will prioritise performance” can be changed to “Therefore, they often put work results first.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “customers and partners” many times in one part. After the first use, write “they” or “these people” when the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
The sentence “However, staff's choice of fashion should conform to the company's regulations” is useful, but it comes late. Link it more clearly to your view: staff may dress casually, as long as their clothes are clean and fit company rules.
task response
You discuss both views and give a clear view: work quality is more important.
task response
Your examples are on topic, such as office staff meeting customers and IT staff doing technical work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part form: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • professionalism
  • first impression
  • competent
  • dedicated
  • organizational culture
  • teamwork
  • creativity
  • productivity
  • dress code
  • comfort
  • individuality
  • job satisfaction
  • client-facing
  • nature of the job
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